Sitting down with the female version of me, this conversation was non stop knowledge bombs:
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Sitting down with the female version of me, this conversation was non stop knowledge bombs:
Follow Dijana here: https://www.instagram.com/dijanadjukicc/
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
You'll get a lot of answers there. I think this is where, like, the deeper layer comes to it, with people being actually honest. The Deeper Layer.
Speaker 2:Dear Gory, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast.
Speaker 1:You kind of forced me on here.
Speaker 2:I kind of did. We're like sitting at home, it's D and Jesse been staying with us, it's like D's partner, and I was like let's do a podcast at 11. And she was like okay.
Speaker 1:I know your personality. If I said no, you're like, why Are you scared? And then I'd have to like, do something. So I was like, okay, let's do it.
Speaker 2:You just preempted everything else and was like, let's dive into it. Yeah, yeah, for sure, that was cool. Well, I really wanted to like dive in and talk today on like quite a few things. It's interesting because it's like you do a lot of the similar stuff that like set the standard does, but for women all the things that you do. Can you tell us a little bit about, like, what you do and why you love it so much?
Speaker 1:I was actually just thinking about this. I was like I think I'm the female version of Corey.
Speaker 2:Literally for all the stuff that we do.
Speaker 1:we're talking about like this yeah, so, so similar, yeah, so yeah, to break it down, basically what I do is help a lot of women build a lot of discipline, build a lot of productivity, make sure they stop wasting their time, but then, like, the polar opposite to that is, I help women with their sensuality, connecting back to their body, healing their relationship with their body, and that's a big part of my work. So, yeah, it's really cool. It's like very savage, disciplined mind, but then also has that softness and sensuality to it which they go together really at the end of the day. So, yeah, that's basically it. I run a membership called Ride or Die and basically I grew up watching Fast and Furious and I come from a big Serbian ethnic family.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, the way that I see them is, you know, ride or Die's and this unconditional love where people hold you to a stand it, but it's like but I still fucking love you anyways. So I really wanted to emulate that and that's kind of like the vibe that we go with. And you know, fast and Furious kind of has that with. Like Dom Toretto is like yeah, so that's what I was trying to emulate. So we've got Ride or Die and then we've got courses and things like that, where we've got the Grip Project but then we also got the Naked Project, so it's just like polarizing opposite, but they go together so well. So there's that.
Speaker 1:And then I have in-person events and retreats called the Dangerous Movement, but the Dangerous Event and then the Dangerous Retreat, and again it's like chicks are boxing, fucking, screaming, raging out, and then chicks are dancing, like whipping their hair and like slut dropping. It's really this really beautiful mix. And the same thing goes with my retreats. It's, you know, we're working out three, four times a day, but then we're also just like crying in a lounge room.
Speaker 2:I've seen some of the videos and you guys like I can't put words to it, but everyone listening like this retreats in the days are hectic like fall on.
Speaker 1:They are full on and you know I've got so many stories and to like put it simply, it's like 4 am wakeups, like full, like military style, get up. I'll see you in the kitchen at 4 am we're doing a workout. And our last retreat the first, not last retreat, the retreat before that because the first day everyone's excited, yeah, 4 am, wakeups are working out and it starts to kind of die down. And then the second day I was like I'll see you guys at 4 am. And they're like what? I was like, no, I'll see you guys at 4 am Again. What do you mean? Again, of course we're fucking doing it again.
Speaker 1:And then the next day rolls in and everyone's just like dragging their feet, just like not having a bar. But because the massive day is like we're working out three, four times a day ice baths, fucking hill sprints, all the things and like everyone's rolling in dragging their feet and I was like, oh, you guys are gonna fucking get it this morning. What do you think you guys are in for? Coming to my retreat, like why is everyone sucking right now? I actually don't understand. Just imagine getting drilled at 4 am. Everyone was so over it, but it was so good Like. The results that we get from those retreats are just like fucking wild, so cool.
Speaker 2:Crazy. Well, what are they Like? What are some of the transformations and stuff that you have seen, that you're like wow.
Speaker 1:Fuck, so many stand out. I'll tell a couple of stories because I feel like stories will be more engaging, but not the last retreat, the retreat before that we had we're doing ice baths and it was about five or six am was fucking freezing. We're jumping into the pool and the pool would have been one, two degrees max and I was lagging behind a little bit because I had to like grab the speaker and I was like girls, I'll meet you at the pool. And some of the girls were like complaining and stuff like that. And that morning I just got my period right, so I didn't want to do it either. And they come out then I can hear them all complaining. And one of the attendees like some of the girls, were like sitting in a huddle complaining, and this is just like the power of being at retreats. She just stood there and she went I'm not entertaining this conversation, I'm actually going to separate myself because this is going to make this experience worse and just like took herself from the collective of girls that just like oh, why do we have to do this? I don't want to do this. And then I come out marching, and she had just done that. I come out marching like do you think I fucking want to do this too? You know, I just got my period. I don't want to get in here as much as you do. Now let's get in.
Speaker 1:And I think that you know the retreats for me they had that discipline level because I feel like for a lot of women they do lack it, but in the same breath they want their man's to be so disciplined and it's like, instead of fucking yapping his ear off, why don't you show him? You know, and I think that Jesse's such a cool role model for me with this is because I'm so disciplined. Jesse has to raise a bar. So then it's like oh yeah, you know, it's like that different level and I think a lot of women don't understand that. But then also a big part of it and this is what I was saying in the retreat the last time is, yes, you want your man to be super disciplined and blah, blah, blah, or your partner, whatever. But then the other part is you can't put that entire responsibility on him. And a lot of women, when their man's are going through something, they make it about them.
Speaker 2:How so Like? What do you mean by?
Speaker 1:that. So, for example, like Jesse's going through something, if I didn't have the discipline or emotional intelligence to hold the fort for Jesse to experience what he needs to experience, I would then make the process about me and be like, oh, you're not looking after me and you're having this and you're doing that, and that takes away from Jesse's experience. So it's also the part where, yes, you want your man to lead or your partner to lead, but then also, when he's in a position where he can't, you have to be able to do it too and you have to be able to support him too. Instead of Jesse, my partner is going through something and because I don't have the ability or the discipline to be able to go, okay, jesse needs me to support him right now, and that might be 10% of our relationship or 20% of our relationship. I can't. So then he doesn't get to process what he needs to process, to evolve in the way that he needs to evolve. So that's a big thing that we speak about a lot as well is being a partner or a role model to your partner and actually being a support system to your partner, having that level of discipline and strength and courage so your partner can evolve and grow too. So there's that.
Speaker 1:But then even this one fucking, there's a couple of things that stand out, but like we do this one exercise where basically the girls have to the last retreat, they had to hold a weight over their head and I just like left them there and just like, until you're ready to admit what that weight actually is, you're gonna stay there and don't you dare drop that weight because at the end of the day, we're all carrying something over our head and it's stopping you from becoming the person that you want to become. And one of my girls she's like a super hard ass and like she's pretty, like she's tough and she's like she just wasn't happy in her skin, in her body, carrying weight that she didn't wanna carry. And she's like holding it, holding it, and she didn't wanna let it go, and I was, and everyone slowly started to drop their weights, maybe like 25 minutes in. She's like it's a long time.
Speaker 1:It's a long, it's 10 kilos, you know. And she's like I don't think I wanna let it go. I said don't, stacked another weight on top of her head. She's holding 20 kilos, full arms locked over her head. I was like hold this, cause it's gonna get heavier. And everyone was just like oh shit, like everyone's dead silent. And I was holding it and I was like what do you need to hear to let this go, because you're going to stay in the same position if you don't. And this is going to get heavier and heavier.
Speaker 1:And like inner face and it's raining and it's like this whole scene this is dramatic scene, right, and she's like saying shit, like I need to take responsibility, and I'm like it's not it, it's not it. She's like I need to get over fucking, you know, whatever, some childhood shit. I'm like that's not it. I'm like what do you fucking need to hear, ash, stop giving me the hard ass, shit. What do you need to hear? And she just like cracks, tears are coming down her face. She's like I'm enough, like I'm worthy. I was like nice, you know, just like shit, like that. I watch that video often and you know we went through this one. Like that retreat, like three people have got tattoos from. Just like fully never want to forget this experience in my life. So there's that, and you know we were on this massive property, it was huge, and I basically got him to go down the bottom. I was his heel and it's like that long it would have been easily okay. It's deep and just like sprint, sprint, sprint to the bottom, sprint. Are you ready to let go? Sprint, and just like exhausting them, because it's like set your intention.
Speaker 1:Something that I love about running is when you make a decision to go for a run, you can do it. You know, it's like I'm going to run 10k today, okay, done. And it's like full body and you'll do it. But if you don't do that decision thing, it's so hard right. So it's like make a fucking decision, set an intention and feel it, because the thing is about personal development. That I don't like. It's a bunch of words, right, growth is in the uncomfortable, you know being the energy or the shit. But it's like when you're running, you just said to me you were going to step up and halfway through up that hill you started to slow down, bitch. You know, like on your mark, get set, go and like fucking feel it so deeply in your nervous system. Do you know what I mean? So that's something that I love about retreats and the way that I kind of teaches. A lot of it's through movement because, again, personal development can be a lot of words until it's embodied until it's embodied.
Speaker 1:And it's like I want you to run up that hill, feel your limit and then go now, fuck this. I just, I just said I'm ready to step into my legs, fucking level. I'm ready to set a new standard, I'm ready to do this. I just gave you an opportunity to do it and you didn't do it. So go again, you know, and like, keep going and keep going.
Speaker 1:And the last retreat of fuck, it was just so cool. So we had a first day. The second day, the second day, we did this massive process and day three rolls around. Everyone gets up and we did like this sprint drill and would have been like 10 meters and it was just, it was the coolest thing to see. No one bitch, no one moans, everyone's in dead silence. It was just like go sprint, go sprint. I was just like tag team. They were just in lines of two, just sprinting, and like charging and charging.
Speaker 1:The really cool thing about it was okay, that's how you be in a community. You shut the fuck up, you do as you're told and you fucking level up for the people around you. Stop bitching, stop moaning, stop talking, do the thing. And it was like the coolest thing and you know that moment I know you would feel this as a coach and it's like I work here, it's done, and like we sat down and that was. I basically ended the retreat there and we just hung out in the sun after and just reflected because they felt it. They felt the difference between oh cool, I was actually just talking a lot of shit before. I said I wanted X, but I wasn't doing it, and that was the embodiment of doing the actual thing. So yeah, that's the retreat. That's so sick.
Speaker 2:I'm sure there's a lot of do's into this. They're like give me one of those. I want to go to that. It's for girls only, sorry.
Speaker 1:Because, like we do do feminins, like the feminine embodiment and you know a lot of body shame and stuff like that. And yeah, it's cool, it's fucking which is sick.
Speaker 2:If you're listening to this and you're a lady, you gotta go. One of the things that you mentioned before which I think was real powerful, and I think, like every single man would have felt so seen before hen is when you were like, I feel like you know, when your partner every girl wants a man who's disciplined, who's thriving, who's crushing it, but when he's not, how do you show up?
Speaker 2:And instead of making it all about you like change and hold the hold, the thought back. What is like? You know from your perspective in terms of real time, what's like the common scenario Like, and then how do like of like what's happening in real time people's lives, and then how do you shift them to think that Cause I know a lot of guys would be like if that happened to my partner, that would literally be the best thing in my life. So, like what's, what's like the common scenario that people have, and then how do they get over it?
Speaker 1:I think it's like the really the most common one is stock standard. I want my partner to be vulnerable when he's vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Why? Why do you think they want their partner to be vulnerable Just to open up?
Speaker 1:you know and connect and see a different, different layer of their partner.
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of women see that their partner needs to do a lot of work. Like, let's say, hypothetically, it's common that my clients would be like you know he doesn't know how to make decisions, or you know he's got a lot of shit that he needs to heal, like his parents and like they can see it that they don't necessarily know what to do. And then when he is starting to okay, let's say he does get a coach or he does start doing some work or whatever, whatever it might be it almost feels like they then go oh, he's not there for me, he can't support me, because they're so used to maybe the comfort in the dynamic of the relationship, instead of kind of having the logic to be like, oh, okay, cool, he actually needs me to support him right now. And this is what that looks like and that might be kind of pulling him to go to training. Okay, let's go to training today, or let's eat this today and not just fucking order Ubi or something like that. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. And then like what is the I'm interested in, like the mindset sort of behind it.
Speaker 1:I think like for women, they want to be looked after so much. So I think like there's that element. I think there's also an element that a lot of women, or a lot of people in general, have mom and dad shit. So it's like it reminds them of maybe their dad or their mom, so it triggers that part and then they kind of like retract inwards and they don't necessarily know how to move through that. I would say that.
Speaker 1:I would also say I would say that, like a lot of women here's the thing like one of my clients at the retreat, she was like I'm so masculine and my partner's so feminine and as she started to kind of open it up, I was like maybe you're not masculine.
Speaker 1:I'm like you don't know how to make a decision, you're fucking chaotic, you've got no structure. I'm like you've got a wounded feminine and an unintegrated masculine. So I think there's also a lot of a lot of people uneducated on what's what, how to be the ex and all that kind of stuff as well. I think that plays into part. And once I started to flip her mind as well, you know, I said something to her, like when your partner does ex, that's him in his masculine. She was like, oh, you know, like she was so confused and I think again and this is kind of like going into a different conversation but I think a lot of relationships they don't have enough conversations about what turns me on and what turns me off, and it could be the simplest things. And you know, a lot of women want their partners to do ex, but they've never said it.
Speaker 2:Cool, I want to hear these things. What are?
Speaker 1:the turn-offs and the turn-offs. Turn-offs would be like unable to make a decision, sitting on the lounge and fucking scrolling Like that I hear all the time. Or he does his scroll. Get home from work. Scroll.
Speaker 2:What about sex? Is there turn-offs in there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I would say like, but that's the thing with women. Women are turned on with things outside of the bedroom. So and this is a thing, a lot of men like they want to do the sexual things in the bedroom. Like you've missed it, I'm like you sat at home, you know. So there's also that part. But I think, like in the bedroom, not taking her needs into consideration, not even asking her what she wants, little things like rushing, you know, and even like, again, being touchy, being feel like outside of the bedroom, that's what's going to turn a woman on.
Speaker 1:But also, in the same breath, a lot of women need to take responsibility. This is a lot of the work that I do. Is you need to take responsibility for feeling so turned off? Okay, lack of energy, maybe, just not feeling it. So a lot of women are lying, a lot of women aren't telling the truth. A lot of women aren't, you know, stepping into their feminine sensual embodiment practices to make them feel turned on. Because a lot of women need, they need stimulus to feel turned on. They're just, they're not like men. They don't just go. I'm horny Like. That's not it. It's not happening.
Speaker 2:Give me three and a half seconds.
Speaker 1:It's not happening, and I think that a lot of women need to take more responsibility for feeling more turned on, and an example that I use in the naked project is this is more so to the women. But would you feel turned on when you look at your lifestyle? Okay, you can't. Let's say, for example, you work nine to five, doesn't matter whatever you do, come home, sit on a lounge, scroll, you eat, you eat with the TVs on, you eat scrolling, then you go back to scrolling. When you finish eating, you jump in the shower. You do a shit, it doesn't matter, you go for. You have your shower, put your armies on, put TV back on.
Speaker 2:Sleep.
Speaker 1:Like, where in that are you trying to activate? Because you have basically like an activation. You have a part in you that you need to activate in order to be filled, turned on. You have basically it's like an accelerator and a break. Women's breaks are on. So the thing that I say to women is like, if you want to feel turned on and increase your sex life and feel more connected to your partner, you need to change your routine. No more eating with a TV on because you need to tap into your five cents Slot down. So most girls in my space that's it. You don't eat. Watching podcasts, music, tv nothing done that will change everything. Cook, no music, nothing, unless you want to put central music on, even like shower, embodiment practices, skincare, like slow down, slow it down sometimes and then you'll start to feel super turned on. But I think, like in regards to turn offs A, it's men not supporting them in wanting to make a transition.
Speaker 2:Oh, can we pause on that one? How can men do that? From what?
Speaker 1:I think just like asking how? How do you want me to support you in this?
Speaker 1:That's it Like something Jesse does really well. A lot of men are like solution orientated. You know your missus says to you you know I want to improve my sex life. He's gone to the sex store. That's not what she needs. He's like I got all these solutions versus she actually needs. Okay, how can I support you on that? What do you need from me? That's it. She will be like I don't know. Or she might say I need X, beautiful. That's your work to do, that's it. Don't do anything else, Just do that. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:That's so easy for all of you guys listening. There you go, ask the question.
Speaker 2:How can I support?
Speaker 1:you, that's it. And you know, whenever it doesn't matter whether it's sex, it doesn't matter whether it's stress, it doesn't matter whether it's a friend or parent has annoyed her, don't go and solve the problem, just ask her how do you want me to solve this? Yeah, that's it, I want to support you, nice. And she might say I don't know, I don't actually need you to do anything, I need to solve it myself, you know. Or she might say can you organize X? And then, if you have a woman who's like a massive chronic people please don't hate being a burden Ask her twice.
Speaker 2:You're talking about yourself right now. Ask her twice, ask her twice, please, Are you sure?
Speaker 1:Are you sure you don't need me to do anything? Because I think, like again, I speak for myself and a lot of clients that I work with. So many women are afraid to ask for what they want. They're just scared. They're scared because childhood, adulthood, doesn't matter whatever.
Speaker 2:Bad experiences? I think everyone is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. So I think like if she says nothing, just say are you sure?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel that I need to dig. I feel that my experience is like we're all going to ask because I think for some guys if they're holding onto resentment or bitterness or spite or something they're unhappy with, or they didn't get sex last night, whatever it is and they know I have to ask for support. Something's going on. How can I support you? I don't need to support, okay, and I'll just be like sick. She said it Now I can hold that against her. Yeah, like I won't, because you said that For sure. When I think it's like it's definitely your responsibility and both of us be like are you sure? What can I do? Just reassuring you, I'm open at the moment. Let me know how to support because I genuinely want to. I think a little bit more dedication to that can like really let some of the walls down?
Speaker 1:Yeah, For sure. One of my mentors said to me once like, if your heart wants to skip a beat, like that's what you need to say. Like if it makes you so nervous that your heart is like. That is exactly what you need to say out loud, Say that shit. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I paused you on that one for what the guys can do.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:What's next? See it If you remember where we were.
Speaker 1:No, there's something else we'll talk about.
Speaker 2:before then it was like the turn offs.
Speaker 1:Ah, yes. Turn offs, I would say phones, constant scrolling, I would say just, I would say massive turn off.
Speaker 2:Is women feeling like their partner's mum and that is not anyone's fault by the code creation, I love you to say that with code creation, because a lot of like I find this I'm just like putting in myself in the body of someone else. If you're a dude, you just be like, oh my God, like for a minute. So I just like stop acting like my fucking mom. Like for the love of God, stop it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You guys like you, don't need to hate it when you do. Like from her point of view. She's like I literally have to be your mum or you're not going to fucking do anything. So I can see how that's like from both of the point of views. It's like oh, you guys are both. Just every time that happens, it's both you 100.
Speaker 1:It's a code creation. I think that you know just basic things like checking in every month or every fortnight, basic check in. What did I do that turned you on? What did I do that turned you off? What are you doing that I like? What are you doing that I don't like? That's it, you know and that's really it. I think it needs to be much more complex than that. Like you'll get a lot of answers there. I think this is where, like the deeper layer comes to it, with people being actually honest is a whole different ball game. But turn offs women feeling like their mums and that if I don't do X for him, he's actually not gonna do it. He'll forget, he'll do this, you know. I think like it's a big turn off when men aren't disciplined for women. That's common that I hear.
Speaker 2:I like to know in, like the things that you see. If women are talking about it, it's like what are the things that they see in their partners that they find that are undisciplined Cause? I like to put some articulation around this Scrolling Cause some guys would be like I'm disciplined as hell.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure, I would say scrolling a big one, not knowing when to turn off work, overworking and, like them, feeling like there's a bottom of the barrel, trying to think Scrolling is the biggest one. Hey, tv scrolling.
Speaker 2:Any mind-numbing stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like work, work, work, work and not having time for their partner for like date nights and like brand of shit like that, and then even like to the gym, I think sport, yeah, yeah, watching too much sports that was something that came up in Jesse's and I's relationship like really early on. He would watch fucking four hours of basketball, six hours of UFC fights, this that the other like I think that.
Speaker 2:So all you wanted to do was watch sports.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you find this? It's interesting. Did you find that, like you sort of got your need to feel like a hero out of watching sports? I don't think so Some juice out of this.
Speaker 1:Maybe, maybe fights, maybe fights, yeah, maybe with fights so intense it's fucking intense.
Speaker 2:It's like well, yeah, even with like sports it's like some.
Speaker 1:This is why I've never thought about having the past, but I've learned to let go of loving athletes because you get so committed to them right, and then it hurts to see them lose Interesting.
Speaker 2:Do you find that that like I don't know if like you find that one common, like dudes who, yeah, you put so much love into that.
Speaker 1:It's so committed to knowing everything about this one person, Athlete a team For sure, cause I've seen from, like, a woman's perspective.
Speaker 2:Things were powerful. I've seen from woman's perspective, especially if they're like ah, For sure I don't want to say over obsessive word, but they just love on the sports team, they love on the athlete, but then she's like ah.
Speaker 1:What about me? But I get, yeah, what about me? I get nothing. Like he wouldn't even know what I did today or something like that. Yeah, sports is a big one, for sure. Um, yeah, a lot of my clients like I would say like the pub and stuff, but I haven't heard that in a really long time. Like a lot of my clients, a lot of them are just like a businessman yeah, so a big ones work Just like scrolling and then like wanting to fuck and she's like absolutely not. Yeah, yeah, so it's like I was on a work scroll and fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know they love their partners, but women need more intimacy, way more intimacy, and that comes through Dinner's together, talking, touch, like acting like teenagers.
Speaker 2:Again it's really cool and just to like clarify again on this cause. I just think this is really important on terms of cause. I want to get on it, I'm gonna talk about this and then I'll move to like a bit of another topic. So, clarifying on this point, for women to take responsibility through the discipline so that they can get that. I want you to clarify that again and then I want your opinion. I think it'd be really cool of talking about the like sort of the dynamics of high performers in the situation, because I know that, like a lot of people I talk to, when they're in business together and she runs a business, he runs a business or whatever. Or if she starts running a business and starts kicking ass, he's like fuck, I fall behind. Whereas there's a high performing, or like couples, usually there's some sort of independency that sometimes comes on. So I want to talk about that after.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so with women and what I kind of speak about a lot with my girls is taking responsibility for. So, whilst their man's can do things that turns them off, they also need to take so much responsibility, for they're probably mirroring the exact same behavior, it just looks different. What's the difference? Yeah, so, for example, here's watching you have seen, or what's the difference between him watching you have seen, you watching X, whatever it is, or scrolling or overworking, like all it's the same pattern. They're both doing the same shit. So there's also that, and I think a lot of women need to take responsibility for that.
Speaker 1:And this is where the discipline comes in, because women need to be disciplined like the masculine. The feminine needs the masculine. So, in order to step into a feminine, you need to have structure right. So something that I always say to my girls is like this is why we need to build discipline so you can do your practice. You're disciplined enough to do your practices that make you feel feminine, turned on all those sorts of things. But if you don't have a strong base, yes, you're gonna do your practice for like three weeks and it's gonna be tapped out and something that I learned really on, like honestly, so early on in business was like as soon as you finish work, you do an embodiment practice because you need to get out of like, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
Speaker 1:You know, in business I'm more so in that masculine role. I'm leading my clients, I'm leading business meetings, blah, blah, blah blah. So, like on the drive to Jesse's, it's not another podcast, another fucking training, another this and other that it's music that makes me feel turned on, so I can drop into my body and actually feel so. It's like having the discipline to not take the easy route of just like chucking another fucking playlist on, just pressing play on my Spotify, intentionally going, okay, I'm gonna take some deep breaths, I'm gonna do the things. So I think a lot of women, they don't wanna take responsibility so of how they've co-created a relationship that they aren't fully in love with, because it's easier to be like, oh, it's him, and it's him, and it's him, instead of going like, oh, I actually mirror him.
Speaker 2:You know, that blows my brain and having that as well. I think it's having some reverence around it, sometimes like, hey, I really like doing my skincare routine as a girl, and the guy's like I actually need to watch sports, and it's like, well, I'll watch a little bit of sports where you do skincare routine and then we can come back together when we're like regulated For sure, and I think like things like for women.
Speaker 1:Something that I always speak about is eating, driving, books, clothing, all these little things in their day that they could tweak and change to make them feel more central, sexual, feminine, whatever.
Speaker 2:Take notes, guys.
Speaker 1:But they don't do right, they don't do, and I think that that's something that I really work on my women with, because the thing is, when you're speaking about relationships, like no fucking point me sitting there and going, well, your partner wants to scroll Like I can't coach him. I can coach you, though, and if you do and this is the thing if you do better, if you go, instead of going to him, stop fucking scrolling and stop doing this and stop doing that, you do your embodiment practice. Hey babe, I'm just gonna go do a feminine embodiment practice. Hey babe, you know, like that's gonna shift everything.
Speaker 2:Everything as a guy Cause then he matches that.
Speaker 1:Do it for at least four weeks, watch him start to change, watch him start to clean the fucking kitchen or do whatever, and then watch it. Like sometimes and this is the thing I always say to people just shut the fuck up, stop talking and just start doing different and do different. Girls, go do different, don't talk to your man's about it and just let him watch you Like. Something that I learned with Jessie in our relationship was like I started this journey a lot earlier than Jessie and I was once that partner who was like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know.
Speaker 1:And like he's like you think you're better than me, and I was like, yeah, I just think you're fucking better than me, so like we had that dynamic where I started my journey a lot earlier and Jessie had a lot of resistance, and that's something that I see a lot is like a lot of men will say, like you think you're fucking better, but the girls contribute to it Cause they're like yeah, I think I am. So I think that something that I learned with Jessie is he's not an idiot and he is watching and he is observing and he can see that I'm changing and he too shall come with me, or he might not, and that's perfect, but every single time he has every single time, and I didn't have to say anything and I think I learned once. I learned to shut the fuck up, honestly, stop looking at him as a distraction and vice versa. I think like a lot of men would have this like my missus does this and my missus that. Shut up, stop looking at your missus and stop looking at what she's not doing and what she is doing and start looking in the mirror.
Speaker 1:And I think this is something what I say to my clients and girls at the retreat or whatever. Whether it's I don't care, whether it's your man, your siblings, colleagues, staff, it doesn't matter. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and is not doing and just do you, because they will come, trust me, they will. I've never had an experience where they haven't you know and solve my clients and once they start to have that, where I think a lot of people are scared to have these really crazy conversations because I think it's gonna change the dynamic of the relationship. It's just like this big old deal and blah, blah, blah, where I'll say to my girls just go and do your thing, put the sexy music on, focus on, stop scrolling and eating. When you're watching TV and you wanna eat and he wants to eat from the TV, separate yourself. Just go to the kitchen bench, just go to the dining table.
Speaker 2:It's crazy from like a masculine perspective hearing that if, like my partner come up to me and was like, hey, I'm not gonna eat with you, I'm gonna go do a feminine embodiment practice, I just my mouth would drop. And I would drop my fork on my plate and just be like, oh my God, what the fuck do I have to do now, like immediately. They're so motivating because it's like it's such a big lift up.
Speaker 1:And imagine if she did that every day for 10 days straight.
Speaker 2:You'd be a different man.
Speaker 1:You'd start going for runs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'd be done straight away.
Speaker 1:You'd be like I should probably go for a run. Stop watching the TV.
Speaker 2:You would immediately, it would stop immediately. You'd be like, oh shit, yeah, great way to lead relationships.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing, that's what the retreats are about is like that's why I love the workouts and things like that, because, like, stop talking, stop bickering, stop going like da, da, da and just start leading. And this is the thing where, even in my own journey, the more that I focused on myself showing up, better for myself, doing what I wanted to do, integrating whatever I wanted to integrate whatever Jesse matched me every time.
Speaker 2:Do you shit his pants?
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course. And first, you know Jesse's the most disciplined person when it comes to training. That I know Like bloke trains three times a day, goes for a run, boxes at least get some boxing movements in, whether it's small, and then does some weights, most days right. And rehab meticulously stretches every morning and afternoon. Do you know, like Jesse's never says did you should train, did you should do this, did you I just watch and go? I should probably stop scrolling and start stretching. It's the same thing. He doesn't have to be on my dick about it, he can just do it. And I'm not nitty yet and I will learn over time and I think that's something that Jesse and I do really well Is like we will just mirror each other and sometimes there might need to be a conversation and sometimes it might not.
Speaker 2:And that's interesting and I completely get that and I get it with the conversation, so I actually have to talk about this other times to do the thing. How does this and these skills then translate into business and your own personal growth?
Speaker 1:I think with business. I think for a woman in business, being feminine has been a game changer because obviously taps into your intuition and stuff like that. But being overly feminine in business it's a bad place to go down because it's just like you cannot be super emotionally led. And I remember one of my mentors. I asked him for a piece of advice one day. I'm like if you had some advice for me, what would it be? And he's like think like a man and like, whilst that can be, some people can take that in a really bad way. He's like you are too emotional with the way that you think. I was like that is correct and it was actually a good piece of advice. Because one of my other mentors told me if your income is based on your emotional regulation or somebody else's, you're fucked.
Speaker 2:That's such a good way of putting it.
Speaker 1:And the reason why they said that to me is, as a personal trainer, if you don't have proper systems in place, your income is based off your client's mood that day. So if they don't show up because they've had a bad day or they've had a bad sleep, you're not getting paid. Like is that how you want to run a business? That's not sustainable long term. Nor is running a business based off your emotions, and I think that, whilst it sounds pretty savage, there's so much truth to it, because that's how people burn out. They only lead their business from emotion, which means they either need to feel so good all the time, which is not realistic, and they burn out because they start to do all these different things, or their business takes a hit.
Speaker 2:So Men do that heaps as well.
Speaker 1:I think like and this is where the discipline and the productivity comes into my business and also the feminine embodiment stuff, because you know for you not to burn out, the thing that I believe about burnout in business, it's not the work to who you are outside of that work. So, for example, I used to have this as a personal trainer when I was personal training. I'm exhausted, and it's like people come into personal training and think training more is a problem. I say no, it's not. Trust me, you could train so much more and you would be fine. Who are you outside when you're training? Are you scrolling? What are you eating? Are you hydrated? Are you moving? Are you connecting to your body? And the same goes in business. Right, a lot of people want to increase their levels of productivity, so they do more, right? Yeah, great, cool. But there's also a threshold in doing more where you have to expand your capacity. So you need to do like this is the thing to do more. You need to do more. When you do more, you're tired, like. So then you got to do the preventative work. Okay, what am I doing? And this is the thing I want you to play with the idea that, let's say, hypothetically, the work isn't making you tired, or the workload or your team. Let's look outside. Or it's this or it's that, or it's okay, cool. Let's change that instead of not bringing down your workload, because a lot of people end up looping they do more, can't sustain it, drop down, want to do more. So it's like I have like this cycle that I kind of explain to people. It's like they get motivated by something I want to do more, I want to be more productive, yeah, yeah, fuck. Yeah, she just won online. I want to win too.
Speaker 1:And then, when you start to do more, you maybe see how disorganized you are, see how much you can't handle pressure. You might see how you feel your insecurities might resurface. And instead of looking at that and actually doing something about it, they cower and they pull back and they go oh, it's the workload. Business is toxic. You know making money is so toxic and it's like, well, no, you were unable to face whatever just came up. So you cower, then you settle for about three or four months. Then you get over it because you're like, oh fuck, I think I'm complacent.
Speaker 1:You get expanded again and you do the same cycle and the thing is in business with a lot of women I'll speak for women only, because I don't coach men is like they really, really struggle to not see, like they take surface level problems and they think it's the surf, like that's not the problem. The problems what's underneath, and that's either your insecurities, how disorganized you are, who you are outside of your business, the boundaries that you do or don't have, and all that kind of stuff. So I think like that's how it plays in the business, being super disciplined, because it's like you stop talking all the time about your problems and you start solving your problems and going okay, what's the solution to this? If it wasn't something I always ask myself, if this wasn't the problem, what would be the problem? And 99% of the time it's something I'm doing outside of my business that's causing the problem. So there's that.
Speaker 2:Well, that was sick. I feel right now like I am taking notes. I love that. I don't know. One more question for you when we wrap it up. I'd like to know just currently, at the moment, what you sort of seeing like with your clients or in business, or in discipline or relationships or whatever it is Like. What is frustrating you most in this moment, what is like grinding your gears? That? You're just like I can just get into people's hands and just what is that?
Speaker 1:I think I wouldn't say it's frustration, but I would say it's the inability to meet something or a part of yourself multiple times. So, for example, a lot of people do self development work Like now I'm organized, now I'm this, now I'm that, all right, perfect your next level, you're going to meet your disorganization, you're overwhelmed, your frustration, and this again and again, and again, and again and again. And it's like a lot of people let's say, for example, you're someone who's your response is overwhelmed and it's like, yeah, I don't do that anymore and I'm doing so good. And then you experience it again. It's like people fall into victimhood so quickly of like, and they almost forget that.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, I've done this before. It's like, oh, I'm overwhelmed and this. And that's like no, no, no, you're meeting that part of you deeper again and can that just be okay, can it just be perfect and fine that you have to see this part Like. For me, one of my things is like I do really well and then I get like the ick on business. I don't know if anyone else has it. It's like everything needs to change, like I just I see everything at once and it's like I need to go now, like I'm just have to do it now, like it gives me the ick.
Speaker 2:I'm currently in that exact case, so I can relate to you right now.
Speaker 1:I'm like yeah, and it's just like, oh, I'm meeting that part of me again that you know, whilst I'm so organized, it almost feels like fuck, so disorganized. But to somebody else it'd be like she's so organized, but to me that's my thing. So I'm just meeting it again and I have to let that be okay. And I think something that I wouldn't say. It frustrates me. I just see it happening all the time. Whether it be clients or students or whatever, they meet a part of themselves again. Maybe it's they're not good enough, ness, maybe it's their unworthiness, maybe it's their fear of not belonging again and they just refuse to see it. Oh, it has to be like out of alignment. No, you're just meeting a wound again, you know, but I just went through this.
Speaker 2:I just did it. We do it again Reps, bitches, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that, and also I had this conversation with an interview interviewer the other day on my membership. Something that irks me and something that we spoke about this weekend was I think we live in a very self-centered society and everything's about me and how I feel, and I think what I would say irks me a little bit is how people are so unwilling to like say, for example, if I'm not in the mood, it's like, yeah, but also my team's relying on me, so it doesn't really matter if you're in the mood or not. Shut the fuck up and just do the thing. I think, like a lot of people don't understand consequences and there are consequences to your actions and it's actually not all about you all the time, and that might be in a relationship or that might be in family dynamics or in your team or whether it's working out. Whether it's working out like, for example, going to the gym it's not just about you. Like it's about if you're a mom or your dad, or you've got kids or a partner or you know you're leading a team or whatever. Like it's about them too.
Speaker 1:And I think that I grew up playing a lot of soccer where it was like, if you don't train. Go to training. You're benched and your teammates will suffer, Not you, because you'll be sitting on the bench. Your teammates will suffer and, like you, just have to go to training. And I think I grew up in a household where we we operated as a team. I shared a room with my brother till I was 16, and he was 18. A bunk bed A bunk bed too, I was 16. I'll never forget one day I said to my brother I'm like Daniel, why don't you have any girls over? He's like I share a room with my sister and I have a bunk bed.
Speaker 2:I'm not bringing any girl here.
Speaker 1:Airbar. I was like oh yeah, true, true, true, true, true.
Speaker 2:I have my license and a car. Yeah, literally.
Speaker 1:So I think I grew up in a household and my mom still fucking draws me with it today and it has its pros and cons. But she'll say to me like it's not all about you, it's not to your world and it's true to a certain degree where it's it's not all about me, my team, it's not all about me. It's like if my, my team are having a bad day and I'm having a bad day, who's responsibilities? It's mine. Like it's not all about me, it's about my team and my clients and things like that. And even sometimes, when I carry on getting into the ice bath, I always think to myself fuck, if my clients were watching, I'd just get in. So get in, you know. And I love that. I love that, I love the pressure of that and being a role model to so many people in that realm, because it's not all about me.
Speaker 2:So if you had to give the listeners a challenge from like really what you just said, you give them one challenge that they could like they listen to this and they're like all right, cool, I'm going to go do this now.
Speaker 1:Fuck, I love a challenge Um what's something that I give my clients.
Speaker 2:Something in regards to our conversation.
Speaker 1:Let me give you guys like this is a phone, yeah, something I give to my clients. Like I know a lot of entrepreneurs will listen to this, so it might be irrelevant. But like delete Netflix, delete social media. If you can delete Netflix, delete it. Every streaming app, delete it. If you don't have a business and you have social media, delete.
Speaker 1:If you do have a business, set some really strict boundaries. Something else I'll say to my clients like before 9am you can use it and after 9pm you can use it, but during the middle of the day, delete the app, fully delete it. Not because you want to do this forever, but I just want you to see and bring awareness to how much time you do waste in your day. Because, yes, we need to learn to live with these apps, just like we need to learn to live with junk food in the house or whatever. But it's the awareness. Sometimes you need to be so sick of your own shit and you need to see it. So for a month, try it. And if you don't want to do that because you're a little bitch, I love that you heard the thing guys.
Speaker 1:If you don't want to do that, try. I did this thing with my clients like a 20,000 step challenge for 10 days straight and almost acted as if it was a 75 hard challenge, like you have to do 25 steps every day for 10 days straight and if you don't, you have to go back to day one, and what it taught them was how much actual time they have in their day when they make time for it and how much time that they do waste. So if you don't want to do the Netflix thing, do 25,000 steps a day for 10 days straight.
Speaker 2:I love that. I like both of them. I do with the Netflix one like deleting that, deleting social media. Even throughout the day it was like, yeah, delete it, reinstall it back at night. Like go through the inconvenience of reinstalling it, and you'd be able to see throughout the day because, like you know, I noticed when your subconscious takes over. Like you, just how many? Times you click the app and you're like why the fuck am I looking in the fridge?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just find yourself like I am on the app and I was not in control of my body I went to click it where it used to be and it's not. I commonly in terms of like a little hack, like after everyone's done the challenge, I like move all my stuff around.
Speaker 1:For sure, I do that often yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I need like a full reschedule. Put that there, put that there, make it more inconvenient or convenient, depending on what's that. Like I do a bit of a scramble that I know is myself going to click things like ha suck it, not catching me to that.
Speaker 1:Even like it's little pockets of time, like why, when I've done this challenge, it's like before you get out of the car, when you're in the line of something, why am I? Why did I just go to click the app and that's like a little 10 minute period of my day that I could have gotten back.
Speaker 2:I'm just being more present. For sure Energy doing all the good stuff.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Where can people go to find you? Cause I know guys are probably like quick, where can I go Send a wife? I also get into the stuff, so like where can people find you, follow you and find everything that you've got available?
Speaker 1:Deanna Jukic on Instagram. So that's my personal accounts and then they can find the retreats at the dangerous movement.
Speaker 2:So we need to Google that on Instagram on Instagram. Dangerous movement on Instagram, yeah. Thank you Do you have to come on to the podcast. I'll stick.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me, guys. I'll see you guys next time.