Welcome to our discussion on the crisis of male weakness in modern times.
In this episode, we emphasize the importance of male friendships to break free from stagnation.
Men often fall into two categories: the passive man content with mediocrity and the man consumed by external pressures.
We explore the negative impacts and how to avoid these pitfalls, promoting continuous improvement and fulfillment through passion.
We also highlight the significance of mentorship and community, focusing on the critical role of fatherhood.
Join us as we share insights on creating or joining communities for personal growth. Let’s build stronger men in society together.
Subscribe, share, and comment to support us.
Follow Corey Boutwell on Instagram for more enriching content.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Welcome to our discussion on the crisis of male weakness in modern times.
In this episode, we emphasize the importance of male friendships to break free from stagnation.
Men often fall into two categories: the passive man content with mediocrity and the man consumed by external pressures.
We explore the negative impacts and how to avoid these pitfalls, promoting continuous improvement and fulfillment through passion.
We also highlight the significance of mentorship and community, focusing on the critical role of fatherhood.
Join us as we share insights on creating or joining communities for personal growth. Let’s build stronger men in society together.
Subscribe, share, and comment to support us.
Follow Corey Boutwell on Instagram for more enriching content.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Why men are becoming weak. In this podcast I'm going to run through my thoughts in terms of why I believe men are becoming weak and what we can do to upgrade it Because, speaking from experience, I've also been a victim not to victimize myself, but been a victim from what is just happening sometimes in society, like I say all the time, which is bringing some of us down. So, after sort of thinking and writing some things through and looking through a couple of studies, one thing that I noticed recently in some studies suggests that men are lonelier now than ever, and the study showed as men got older, they essentially lost all of their friends as they started to become dads, as they started to progress throughout their careers, as they started to remove themselves from their friend groups or notice that their other friends started fading away from each other, which ended up preventing men from feeling connected, and increased levels of anxiety, increased levels of depression, which I find super frustrating right, it's like super frustrating for me because I don't wish that on myself and I don't want that to be the reality and the case. So, essentially, I think we end up feeling so lonely and we end up desiring to wanting to sing together with men challenge each other and to feel challenged and to understand our own identity through being validated through other men for positive things and being acknowledged and celebrated for the things that we achieved, not just in our day-to-day relationships or in our intimate relationships, but in our man relationships, because it's something completely different, right, when you're celebrated or acknowledged from another guy who's also at a high level, who you respect. It's like this level of power of fuck yeah, I can do this, which is really cool and for the women who are listening, this is really important to understand from your partners and also the masculine side of yourself, because you will have a little twinkling of that within us.
Speaker 1:So two types of men emerge from this scenario. One man is called the passive man and the other is called the consumed man. Essentially, what I mean by the passive man is we just cruise where the average, we become the best of the worst and the worst of the best. We start a business or have a job and from our job we get to a certain level where it's like I'm not sure if I really want to expand or grow anymore, maybe because that decision that we made for that job or that business wasn't the right one that filled our juices. However, that's what everyone else is doing. That's what I'm going to do. This is where I've landed. I'm going to settle for this Compound that, over a period of time when there's a lack of passion and less of juice and a lack of zest in order for us to get there, then we settle. We put this mask on our faces, which has everyone else confirm on the guy that does this.
Speaker 1:I've built this safety, this brick by brick. I've built this house of safety and this comfort zone for myself. That's like you know in regards to lifestyle. I can pay for this food, I can take my wife out on this time, we pay for this mortgage and we live in this nice household in a nice like a neighborhood. We get our you know small vacation every single year where we get to go somewhere, and you know, and do something.
Speaker 1:And, man, I really could do something else. I could level up my business, I could do something with my career, but you know why the fuck should I? I've already got all of this here and I will have to go. If I wanted to do that and I desire to do that I would have to go through the pain of sacrificing all of this and I'll let my wife down, I'll let my friends down, I'll let my bosses down, I'll let my employees down, I'll let all these people around me down, and I don't know if I want to deal or face that amount of failure, that feeling of not feeling good enough, a feeling that everyone else has been let down because of me. So now I'm not gonna leave the house. I don't want to. I've built this bricks for myself and I don't want to do it. And now I'm in this position where it's like, well, as a man and you've noticed this, if you have someone who's listened to some of my previous podcasts, and you if you have quit masturbation or quit porn, I have a challenge to everyone Try doing it for a month, quit porn, masturbation for a whole month.
Speaker 1:We see people in our community let's say Santa community get filled with this power, this passion, this rush, this energy and a rage that they've never experienced before. And all men have that and I believe, when we sustain from that over a period of time, as we start to recognize, like you know, how powerful we truly are, and if we've created this house around ourselves and that power starts to leak in, we'll look for ways to distract and avoid it. We'll distract it in porn, we'll distract it in video games, we'll distract it in just catching up with the same old friends as much as we can. We'll get distracted in you know hobby like golf. And instead of playing like golf series, it's just like why are you playing golf all the damn time? Like what are you trying to avoid? Oh, something's happened to go play golf, something's happened to do this. You know, whatever, it is there to avoid, whatever responsibilities that we ought to be facing and that we ought to to move towards, and all of that can numb us and settle us down enough so that we feel comfortable enough to go kick back at the end of the day, put our hands back and, oh, just stay inside this house. Fuck that. I don't want that scenario at all and I can like, let you know, I have been there before.
Speaker 1:I've been in that position where I've just been cruising. I was working with my dad and I thought that was gonna be forever, hated it, and that was a, you know, a tradie job, blue collar, blue collar work culture. Damn terrible, disgusting. Didn't like it, especially from what I experienced. Old man in those days, wasn't man enough to, I believe, have really good leadership. He is now because he had to face his own demons at the time. Love my dad. Now he's the best. Just full disclosure. I love my dad. He has transformed with me. It's been amazing.
Speaker 1:The second part to that is I've also worked in white collar and I saw what everyone else was doing trapped. They've been working at the same company for 50, 60 years and like I'm not 50 years, sorry, like 20 to 30 years and I'm like, wow, you guys never grow up. They've been sitting at a level, getting paid and like at a certain rate for the entire year with no growth. Their lifestyle hasn't changed, their pay has hardly changed, their freedom hasn't changed. They've been doing the same old thing. No, no growth.
Speaker 1:And for me I just I thought, oh, my goodness, this is this. As if this is the thing and it is and it's passive and that can also cause so much friction within a relationship. Person want to withdraw. Come you both to do that? Oh, my wife's thinking about leaving me, like I've got no time for the kids or this stuff, or maybe sometimes it's too much time for the kids and not enough time on yourself and you just self-sacrifice. Instead, it's like you know I'm gonna make my kids the mission and just spent all my time doing absolutely everything that I can for them and sacrifice everything and don't do it myself and then start harboring resentment to everyone else five, ten years down the track because you've forgotten or lost who you are. That is the road of the passive man.
Speaker 1:The second is the consumed man. And the consume and as someone who's experienced some sort of rock bottom whether it be bank account hit, zero gambler, all your money to weigh, all the drugs in the world, all the women in the world had your heart absolutely trotted on, broke down, squished and shattered. You love someone so much and they fucking betrayed you. You had enough of them. You couldn't deal with it in the relationship and from there and instead of you know taking the passive route, you've just gone into the I'm gonna crush this route and you get consumed with work, consumed on. I'm just gonna crush this one thing and smash it now and you start achieving money and start achieving success. You start achieving all these things. If I was that person in like, if I to choose which one I'd rather be, it definitely be the consumed man, because the person with a little bit more power, I believe has more opportunities than the passive man.
Speaker 1:But both situations this is what happens in the consumer. I wouldn't recommend either of them. But most of us are in here, so Every dollar that we make ends up becoming some sort of validation to validate ourselves, like, oh, I'm a man, I am awesome, I can get this done because of the money that I make, because of the business that I have, because of all these things. Forget my past, forget all the drugs, forget the alcohol, forget the point. I hit rock bottom in the zero. Let's not process or focus on any of that. Let's just crush this and you become a consumer that someone tries to connect with you. Heart's not open.
Speaker 1:You get told to the person who like oh, you're not really emotional guy, I'd like to come for you for some support, because most of the time you'd be getting a role model position if you're this person. But no one can Like, no one can connect with you and you and you hear that and you don't feel any motions and people talk about motions like oh, this is like so hard, how can I like not feel these emotions? And you're someone who may harbor a lot of anger or resentment and you're proud to wear that Anger. That's when you're like happy to be angry. Hmm, angry feels cool, angry feels good. I'm gonna be angry, I'm gonna show them. I'm gonna show these people, I'm gonna teach them a lesson. Now, if you're that person, teach them a lesson. And if you're a girl and you get into a relationship with a guy, that is very I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
Speaker 1:Run for the hills, run for the hills and don't come back. Because if you have that sort of position in your guy, understanding that that is your ego, and if you know that that is you and you do have a partner To prevent her from running to the hills, you run to the hills and Spend some time in an Airbnb for two or three days by yourself, understanding your own thoughts. Because if you're not doing that, my goodness, it's not like you're gonna sort any of this ego stuff out and you're gonna keep being reactive. What happens if you squish this little boy part of yourself who wants to emerge and you don't let him out, and if he doesn't get let out and you haven't got control of him and you haven't nourished him in a way where he needs to be nourished, then that's all it becomes and that's the 10, 15, 20 years down the track, only to realize that, fuck, I'm still lonely, I still don't get connected with anyone and I want to connect with other people and I and deep down no one knows that I actually want to love and I want to give harder than anyone else, but for some reason I can't. I'm just too consumed with work. I have been Both of these people and if you're that guy, you may as well Grab your dick, stay yourself at the mirror, jerk off into a cup and drink it. You ever heard about the story of narcissus? Because essentially all you're doing, if you end up being that man and continue in your way, being that guy, is you. You just become self-obsessed. And If you're not gonna have a partner and it looks like you haven't got the skills or whatever this to hold down a relation, we feel like your relationships rocky and you know you end up and you're gonna be by yourself and you're happy with that. Some people swallow that pill, actually being happy with that. Then you may as well get really good at jacking off. So, which is really sad and I'm not saying that lightly either like that can be, you know, quite confronting to hear, but that's essentially what we're doing, and the missing link in this situations of like the passive man and the consumed man and us wanting to be the ideal man, is Healthy masculinity and healthy role models.
Speaker 1:The reason that this wasn't here, we didn't have this, is, as will children, we had a privacy invaded, most of the time by our parents in some way or some shape, or which looks like no, you do this. Do it now. Have this thing sorted out. Blah, blah, blah. Do this. I don't want to do this. Do it now. Do as you're told. All that. We have our privacy invaded. We're not getting our privacy invaded so much and so often and so regularly that we just become okay. I'm getting like I'm a to that and I have to please my parents in order to get love. Little to know that we've actually just parked a demon Behind our brains that wants to come out, wants to express, but doesn't know how.
Speaker 1:I asked a question to some of that community Not too long ago. I was like you know where? When did you stop letting your lion Roar? When you stop allowing your lion to roar? And it's coming up a lot of relationships, because I believe all women are lionesses and men can either be Aligned with a roar or a zebra, like this from a billionaire. There's loved, love, the concept of it, and you got to choose to allow yourself to roar. Hope we definitely learn how to roar in a healthy way, because there's no role models there and we get confused.
Speaker 1:Who think, well, our dad was our role model, knew through old, through all myth and hero stories and tales, the Father doesn't represent our hero. He doesn't reset, represent our role model. He doesn't represent our mentor, because what happens is, by the time we hit like a teenager level, we've already learned everything that our fathers can teach us. We've modeled it, we've understand it. All our conditioning and our patents come from them and if we want to transcend our fathers and I believe all fathers want us to transcend them, I certainly have experienced that with my old man and he could not be any prouder. He's a little bit jealous and a little bit annoyed, but so proud. And he tells me and it's one of the best feelings I, like a vivid felt and it's so amazing having that relation with his dad.
Speaker 1:It's interesting when men really start leveling up, you notice that they start leveling up their fathers unconsciously. It's happened with, like all of my one-on-one clients. It's insane and and when you Understand that, okay, I've learned everything from a father, how do I surpass him? And it's like seeking out other mentors and heroes and role models, and you and your father may have the same mentors, role models and heroes, and that's amazing. You both get to learn from them, but your goal is to transcend him. How are you supposed to transcend your old man or your father if you're only learning from him? Right, you can't. You have to learn from other people who have transcended your father, and do that now in order to find like role models and mentors, like a what's a role model? What's a mentor? Essentially, and it's essentially other people that inspire you.
Speaker 1:Frederick Nietzsche had this definition of friendship mutual inspiration. I inspire you and that's why I want, and that's why you want, to hang out with me and you inspire me, which is why I Desire to hang out with you and spend time with you and cultivate our friendship and our relationship. Now, what happens is when some people start Succeeding and doing really well is some people compare, and if you have a friend and you start comparing and they start succeeding really Well and you see them as above. You and you start projecting on them like your weakness or your trauma or shit. They're gonna leave me. That act is uninspirational. That's gonna make your friend feel uninspired and lot less likely to, more likely to distance themselves from you, even if it's unconsciously.
Speaker 1:And if you're the person who's growing and you notice that your friends aren't growing either and it's like not inspiring you, then that's your invitation to go meet other people, be inspired by other people and create new friendships. It's not illegal, it's not a bad thing. If you create new friendships with people, it doesn't mean that you're letting your friends go. It's just creating an opportunity for them to come up. By meeting other people make them feel so inspired that they have to come up. God knows, it's happened with some of my friends and it feels Freakin incredible, especially when you get to grow together. It's the best thing. I think that's what men truly want. So the missing link there is, honestly, I believe it's like some form of community. So step one in a Guide and a handbook to become the best version of yourself and to become a better, high quality, high value man.
Speaker 1:Step one to become a high value man is Get a community, be around a community like well, like why? Well, if you're around people or you have a friendship with someone who starts exceeding and you're starting to feel jealous or comparing yourself and you're with the group of like men, they can all call you out on that. But hey, man, there's no reason to be jealous. Like, celebrate it, let's go Like he's doing these things. There's no reason that you can't either. And we've all got your back. Hearing that reassurance is like yeah, of course you do. What the hell? So sorry? Like, let's go focusing on your goals. Now you're inspiring each other just because someone makes.
Speaker 1:Let's say, for example, if the success measure is money and you're thinking all this person especially successful because they got a lot of money. However, they're not the healthiest and fittest person and you have no money. But you are the healthiest and fittest person. You can inspire the successful person and the successful person with money can inspire the fit and healthy person, and that's how mutual friendships can be created. So people can bring stuff to the table. You're just gonna make sure that you're doing you as best as you can, right? So when you're around a community of like-minded men that can, that can be roddles, that can be mentors, they can cool you, for that can cool you forward who inspire you. That feeling of loneliness as you start to grow older Disappear. The feeling of camaraderie, the feeling of sharpening your axe Comes to fruition.
Speaker 1:Napoleon Hill in some of his books and he's one of the best, most renowned authors in the world for creating success and some of the best personal development programs in the world His main, his key ingredient that you can use in order to succeed in life that come from it is just Finding and committing to a mastermind a group of people who are all holding each other Accountable, who are working on extremely similar goals. That is the key in the secret to get there. And if you haven't got that, create it for yourself. And if you don't know how to create it for yourself, it's like what I did was I created. Every single week, I just got people around, invited him to come to my house and I hosted as best as I could and had a nice bath. Eventually I started creating my own community and it was like the best thing ever. And now there's what I do full-time. I love it.
Speaker 1:If you don't have the time, the resources or the responsibility to create your own community, join one. We've got a men's community. It's amazing. If you want to look for a community and you want to understand where to look for him, there's looking the platform called school. Look at YouTube and look at Instagram for men who run communities and look for the ones who you resonate with most and join whichever one resonates with you the best.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't matter if you're in business and you're after you know business coaching or business consulting.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter if you're in your relationship is struggling or you have no idea what's going on.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter if you're not a hundred percent sure on what to do with your fitness. No matter what men's group that you join, we're men, so no matter what we talk about, that is what we're going to be talking about, and leveling up is figuring out the you that's going to help you progress and move forward. And that happens in all of those areas, because usually it's some, for some part of you which hasn't been here, where you've been passive or you've been consumed, which is now affecting how you shop in your relationship, affecting a shop in business, affecting a shop with being fat and overweight, essentially, which we don't want to be. We want to be crushing it. We want to feel really good about ourselves, so I hope you learned some nuggets out of this podcast. Please share, subscribe and leave a comment below. That would absolutely love that. That would help us with the podcast so much because we don't do any paid promotion to this thing, so that would be extremely appreciative. Would love to receive and follow me at Corey Boutwell on Instagram. Thank you.