Hayden joins the podcast this week, a former soldier turned entrepreneur, as he discusses the challenges of transitioning from the army, including toxic behaviors and trauma.
Our conversation explores practical tools like the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetype, covering topics such as managing emotions, addressing the negative impact of social media, and achieving balance in personal and professional life.
Follow Hayden here: https://www.instagram.com/haydenheathh/
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Hayden joins the podcast this week, a former soldier turned entrepreneur, as he discusses the challenges of transitioning from the army, including toxic behaviors and trauma.
Our conversation explores practical tools like the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetype, covering topics such as managing emotions, addressing the negative impact of social media, and achieving balance in personal and professional life.
Follow Hayden here: https://www.instagram.com/haydenheathh/
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Hey, thanks so much for coming onto the show. Well, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:I'm really excited and yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, so last night we all chilled, hung out. We had like a big group of us here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it was great. It was awesome just connecting with the boys again and seeing when you faces as well.
Speaker 1:So yeah, because, like you, you met most of those guys at the next level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did yeah yeah, I'm sick.
Speaker 1:I'm actually really interested and curious to talk to you because, like you've been in the army for ages, you were like I can't remember the correct term like squad leader at like a really young young age a corporal or Lance corporal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just 21, 22.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it's like a bit of a deal, hey it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially when it's like forced on you, like it's like I was a digger, I was happy to just like get told what to do. And then they're like all of a sudden hey, you're going on promotion and I'm like I don't want to have to tell other people what to do, like I'm happy, just chilling, and you get, you get forced into doing that and you grow, obviously, and you know you're 22 and then you tell another 26 year old and then 28 year olds what to go do and lead in that and you're just like what the hell? I'm not qualified.
Speaker 1:You're a Lance corporal and then, like you wanted to shift into other business stuff. What happened there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so from you know, learning all that experience from getting stepping up into a leader and sort of not wanting to and then having to break that belief of you know, I can't do that, I can't lead people or anything like that, so that changing. And then when I finally got out of the army I was like what am I doing with my life? And you know, you kind of go into a little bit of a pit and try and find yourself and because that was like a programming, a whole programming army, where they you, that is what you are and then you get out and you kind of don't have that purpose or anything anymore. So you got to try and find it and then I've always wanted to.
Speaker 2:I always saw these people in business and you know they were like so successful and having all these things and being able to do the time and freedom and whatever they wanted. So I was like that's something I'd like to live. So business was that avenue to get there and I had a bit of interest to do it. So I did a few like workshops, like veteran workshops, where there was veterans in business and they were already running their own business and doing that and that sort of sparked my interest. And then to go from there, people were showing me that we're already in business, showing what they could do with business, and I was like this is something I can, I can go into.
Speaker 1:So second what is your business?
Speaker 2:Right now I do a fire safety company for so we do like fire maintenance, like extinguishers, we do fire training, compliance, evacuation diagram, so everything like a business that you know. If you're a brick and mortar business and you're like I have no idea how to do compliance stuff with all the law, we come in and help you and do that. So it's the same thing with training. It's we come into the businesses and train your wardens, the chief wardens, evacuation runs, all that sort of thing. And a lot of businesses are like we have no idea how to do that. So I'm like, yeah, I'll come in and help you. With my previous experience with doing emergencies and stuff. Everything's like, ah, I run, get out of the building.
Speaker 1:That's cool. One thing I'm really interested to talk about with you is like sort of like the culture that you have, like in the army, and like the masculine culture, and then, with like joining the set the standard community, coming to one of our retreats, like what were the things that like, what was the culture like? And then what were the things that you learned that changed your belief. Oh, this is a big belief now. Now it's here and how is that like impacted you now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's. It's a big one with army culture. It's like super masculinity. That's just like dudes trying to be better and this just got all these alphas everywhere and who's better than who, and the very competition was. But at the same time it sort of reminds me of like a footy team You're all still a part of the same thing. You want to do better because you want to beat the other team and obviously that would be another country or whatever everyone else is doing. But it also brings a lot of toxic stuff in there as well as in like dudes to come in, bring their trauma, different signs of different people, walks of life as well.
Speaker 2:Like a lot of people do find, I find that to join the army might be running away from something. For me it was actually. I'm not a man, I'm just a short little dude that, like you know, just didn't yeah, so I was like I got to go do the hardest thing that I can do to be able to become a man, so stepping in that. And then, you know, I was only 18 when I joined, so seeing these other dudes that are in there and this is the standard that they're setting, and you had high level people in there already and dudes that come from like being chippy for six years, and then they're like, yeah, I wanted to push myself. So you have a lot of good things as well, where people are there to push themselves, be absolutely fit as hell and do things and push themselves to go special forces and everything. So, and the skills and technical stuff you do learn, the camaraderie is the biggest thing. So the thing is I found that the more hard of stuff that you go through with people, the deeper the connection is, the more vulnerable you are as well. So you know you see dudes to your left and right when you pack, march and for days on end 15 kilometres, you look to your right and you're like I want to give up. But you look to old mate and he's still going and he's got your back. So you're like, yeah, man, we've got a really special bond and you'll keep going.
Speaker 2:So that is sort of the culture of army, kind of stick together. It's like a new family. You've ran. You ran away from your old family, you got posted to another position in Australia and that is now your new family and you'll do whatever and, you know, die for them or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:So that was sort of the army culture, I guess, like a big footy team, but you know you're all there, but at the same time there's a lot of competition too, and then sort of realising you know, when you're out you do lose a lot of that because you go off to your own, back to your hometown or back to where you are and you new life, new start. So then seeing set the standard, where there's a bunch of dudes, the same thing. But these guys are here to grow and just support you and just help you. Just go to that next level.
Speaker 2:And speaking of which, going to a next level, like the event, just seeing dudes, again, we've been all vulnerable, we're in a hard situation or, you know, being pushed out of our limits and it's uncomfortable, but everyone else you look around is uncomfortable and they're all there to support you and be there. So that was what I really liked, like the correlation with army and set the standard, but in a better way, if that makes sense. So with all that you know, competitive, it's like no, we're here to help you.
Speaker 1:That's some of the toxic stuff. Yeah, that's interesting. Well, like what did you learn? Like in terms of like yourself and like your own awareness and like handling and dealing with your own emotions, because I remember, even like last night you talk about, you're like oh yeah, we were in the army. There's like bombs going off or I'm sitting there and there's like we're always on edge in case like a truck or someone's going to come shoot at us or some shit, and like everyone's rewired. And then like I come here and like I had to like work through it or this other stuff that I went through, like what was like the sort of correlations and like the lessons for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I'd noticed I was holding a big shield. I just had this whole shield to like stop all these emotions. I was just like I don't want to do this block, block, block and have this massive shield around. I'm like yo block everything I can. And then like, yeah, understanding that like I can just drop that shield, and then like just let all the emotions flow in and then just accept that they're coming in and feeling them, acknowledging them, and then just like be able to express it back as well.
Speaker 1:What was your shield? By the way, what was like the ego shield that was there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a tough one. So I think the biggest one was like just trying to try not to get judged, Just the fear of judgment sort of thing on me being my true, authentic self and then being judged for that, Whereas I was putting the shield up and sort of a facade to be like, oh what they? You know what they would like me to be instead. So you know, when I dropped that, I was like no, I'm just going to be myself, and I found that it was so much better just just being me, and so I just dropped that shield.
Speaker 1:Were you doing that in the army? We like you know, like prove yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're also like trying to fit in as well, because it's such an environment where you're like, if you're like I've been injured, I've had an e-reconstruction in the army and like, when you're injured, I can't do the things that everyone's doing at the moment, so you're sort of you're in the shit kicker list over there and it's called like your lingo or whatever, which is a bad term, but it's like you can't do the job anymore. So, your shit, if that makes sense and you put in that. You know, you see that you're in that group of just being injured. And I had an e-reconstruction. I couldn't physically do stuff for probably 12 months until I was back to rehab and all that. So, yeah, that's just the big one I noticed with that. But you know, then when you're back into the job, you're fully fit to go.
Speaker 2:Then, yeah, oh, everyone. And then, as you really see that shift with, oh, you think you're doing your smash and you're doing footy in the army, you're doing all these things, it's all cool and getting on the courses that you like and everything, you get injured and it's like, oh, hey, man, you shit anything, but when you're back you'll be right, you'll be sweet or like they just, you know, switch. So you're kind of like oh there's, you're not really my mate, you're not supporting me when I'm at lowest or highest as well. Does that make sense? So yeah, it was a is a big sort of shift change ago. Okay, these guys might not always be there for me, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:It's sort of like oh, we are a number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, oh, absolutely. Um, you knew to see your real friends though, the ones that are there for you when you are low in the army as well. But yeah, you do see a lot of um. Yeah, I guess, um, you just do another number. You know they don't call you sometimes while you name either private or you know when it's called war, call of all or fucking yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, it is, what about, um, in terms of when you were in the army, what was it? What were like some of the most intense sort of traumatic experiences that you had there, and then, what lessons did you learn that help you cope with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so there's a few off the top of my head. One, uh in particularly was um. When I stepped up into the leadership role, um, as a Lance Corporal, um, that's like the mother of the section. So your section is usually like six to eight dudes. Um, you have the dad, which is the corporal. He makes all the decisions like commanding you know, go over there, go do this and fight there, Whereas the two I see runs around does like the ammo, looks after the boys, make sure they got enough water to be able to keep going, and then they still have their own little command in the brick as well. And then you have your diggers. That are the workers and the soldiers really as well. So everyone's a soldier. But you know, with the leadership and all that uh, with that, I got forced into that after my did like three or four years and on the fourth year I was into my promotional courses doing that and then I got my rank and then I had to look after a bunch of dudes and I'm always very care and I always like look after the boys very. You know I'm keeping together and make sure everyone's always good and I've always done that sort of people, like people pleasing as well as well.
Speaker 2:Um, but the biggest one was one of our boys in our section actually committed suicide Um two months or a month before deployment and that, like that, hit me the hardest probably ever had in life and just like punch me in the face, was like hey, you're a shit leader because one of your boys is gone and you're like, yeah, it was just such a it was. Yeah, it was probably one of the things that really woke me up and go well, you need a like you know I thought I was doing a good job and there's nothing you can do, but At the end, same time, it's so hard not to blame yourself for like you could have done better, you could have helped him out here, you could have done this and xyz. So that was probably like one of the biggest yeah hits in the face and really yeah how did that affect you?
Speaker 1:Like in everyday life, how did that?
Speaker 2:it showed up, yeah, like anger, like just At destroying myself, saying you shit, you didn't, you couldn't, you didn't do this, you couldn't be there, um, you know.
Speaker 2:So I just go to the gym and go fuck this and just get to a bag and just punch and bang this, let it all out and just do as much. Like you had a whole minute and I'll just be like One more, one more, like that, and I'm like stop and then the one minute and I'm like I'm still angry and then I'll just keep going. And it's like you know, people walking past the gym is like this guy's going on this bag no, take me just what I thought, blowing hands and shit. So it showed up in anger as well, like as in with people. So in my head I didn't show it but if you know, such came up to me and he's like you know, you boys doing this and this and I'm like I want to punch you head in a like just just super angry all the time. And I wasn't shown it, but inside I could feel it and just yeah, it just was tearing me up inside the fact you whenever you got back home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did actually in my relationship. It did actually at the time, you know, I got home and didn't really feel supported either, understood, which made me more angry, like why is it? No understand why I'm so angry all the time? So, yeah, it showed up, yeah, like that. But yeah, the another one was overseas, like there was, is a few we do six months.
Speaker 2:So went afghan for six, seven months and you know there's always like trauma in anything with war and all that sort of thing. You know you've had like bombs over the and you know vehicles going off and around you and everything like the arms going off. Your On a convoy and you always like peeking, looking around what's going on, so that that experience itself is just like in a high stress relationship, stress environment for six months straight. You get home to strut like we're so safe here, like sure, but it's like it's just been practicing program for six months, going like I'm so wide right now and yeah so, and all that stuff happened, you know. So losing the mate, dealing with that, carrying the funeral, doing all that sort of thing, that process, and then, like month or two later we're deploying straight to go to afghanistan and we had to replace that guy in a section and I had to get the boys and it wasn't and it's pre deployment to. So you do this train Before you go.
Speaker 2:So it's not like I just went six months, you know, deployment. Before that you've had six months of hard training to be able to get to that stage of going over. So it's more like a whole 12 months cycle of you just doing everything and as a to see you run around making sure the boys admins are squared away, just looking after everyone, making sure because you wear, you wear it and take ownership of like hey, this boys hasn't got any of this midded. And you like that's my fault because I'm on the guy who's supposed to get him to that stage. So, yeah, it's just so hectic. It was just a big hectic time, I like. And then I got back from overseas the second day and broke up with my long term partner for six years. We came high school sweetheart. So it was all just like that deployment come back, new relationship as in old relationship left and then I was like who am I? So much stuff happened and yeah, it was as much as like. At the time I was like I freaking hate my life and this is.
Speaker 1:This is so much, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me and then, what were the things that you learnt, specifically and like experiences that you had, which helped you? Like get back to you.
Speaker 2:There's so many off the top of my head. I think the biggest one is acknowledging like emotions and feeling them. So you know why is just getting to that? Why? Where's this stem from? Like I'd be here sitting angry and okay, like I'd sit in the anger and go what am I?
Speaker 2:why am I feeling this? So, getting the knowledge to be able to understand why I'm angry and where it stems from. Okay, it stems from this. Okay, well, it's not much you can do about it in the past, it's just that past stuff, you know, like you beat yourself up shame, guilt, all that sort of thing. So A big lesson was just self awareness and identifying where is it coming from and then Trying to find the way to best deal with it have you got a story of when that like Popped up, if you like, talking to someone, calling someone, reflecting generally like yeah, I think I noticed a big one on on the neck in the next level after the anger exercise that we did.
Speaker 2:You know we did, we got all this. I got all this angry I was. So it is exercises amazing and it came out and then I sort of just was that came out.
Speaker 2:I remember punching in the chest, but I can't remember what it was like I think you came up to you, like you like you've been holding it back and like and just cheat me out to just, you know, is like this is a time we just like let it out. And I was like you know what 100 this is. Like you gave me that gateway to just be like Let everything go. And I'm like, yeah, and that's why I was. I was saying like let's fucking go, because I was like I'm just gonna let everything out and and it came out and then after it, just it just felt like a spirit. I just like left like this big angry demon thing just came out and it just like fucked off and I just was like sitting there and going, okay, wow, that's what it's like to not be angry anymore. Like not, it's like all that shame, guilt, just like it just fucked off as a big demon out as See you later, mate, like you're gone and I'm possessing me anymore.
Speaker 1:That's great, makes me emotional.
Speaker 2:You saying that I was like yeah, like you, just you just like the gateway. That's like, hey, there's this big demon side, you're like anger and you can, you know? And then, just like you just gave me permission to like let it out and, yeah, what was it?
Speaker 1:what was, what were you telling yourself? What was the the thing that you, that you were letting out, like the things that you were saying to yourself?
Speaker 2:I think it was stop holding on, and stop holding on to something that was out of your control, and I think that's where it comes from. Like the anger is like Whenever that's another big one. When I get angry, I'm thinking why am I getting angry? It's because it's out of. I can't control the situation I'm in. So now you know, like if I'm in traffic or something, I'm angry that I'm not getting there, or I'm angry at something come like, hey, I can't control this, so what's the point of me being angry about? And but that's where I've identified, that's where the anger is is I can't control the situation, I'll get angry about it, like no, you can't control it, so why bother getting angry over it?
Speaker 1:yeah, so it went crazy exercise, demon went. And then what?
Speaker 2:what we sort of thinking, reflecting on afterwards I think it was a big life reflecting, like it was just like one of those montages of all the stuff. That was a Build up from me losing the mate, and then you know deployment, and then you know the ex stuff as well. I didn't mention that but also got money at the same time. So when that deployment happened they got back, break up and then two or three months later got sued for like 23k or something go lost.
Speaker 1:What's wrong?
Speaker 2:with you know how, not sued, but like I, want half of your money so yeah, that kind of thing with relationships and when you be with some for a couple years half your possessions of theirs yeah.
Speaker 2:So I got, I got stabbed with 80k and had to go through always and got down to like 23 cells pretty lucky, but again, just that. Because I had my own house, had. I was just financing this person, so that was another big anger one is that someone can literally use the law to grab. To my mind is like if I was, if I was back in the day where I had a big gold behind me and a dragon, that I got it and there's me and there was this person. It's like you can't touch my goal because I'll, you know, do whatever to defend it. But in this for day and my age, they can just use papers and you know ways to just like go around and just pick your golden and take it from you and you like.
Speaker 1:So that was a big anger one is crazy, because you're like not matter anything either.
Speaker 2:No, no kids, nothing. So it's just and that's why I was getting angry at the law, like just so angry at things like how can people do this to me? And it's just like you know. So that was another big anger like that, that ball of that I think it was that, yeah, probably year and a half to deal with of just all that shit happening. So, yeah, it really took the time to get on and get on top of the anger.
Speaker 1:And I look you out of that and say to you control, like and what happened for you, like what outcomes happen for you once you got rid of it. This is crazy, by the way.
Speaker 2:I think I did spiral in a bit where it was. So after that point I did spiral into. I was a single laugh. And then also getting out of the army and then also Now when to turn to party and drinking and all that stuff. Even though we drinking to, that army has a huge drinking going out culture, like after give a friend exercise, everyone celebrates like we just did two weeks out field, no showers, nothing, eating on rap packs you like skinny and then you'll get your beer straight into your drunk off like two or three beers and you just get plastic. You love each other and all that stuff, but like that's a massive culture. So I just sort of refer to back to that.
Speaker 2:When I got out of the army I was like, alright, I'm going to do the same thing you know out in the city world and do that. So I did spiral to like do an alcohol and parties on the weekends and stuff. And it got to a point where I got locked down in covid for in Melbourne and it's sort of just sat with me that I was like what trajectory am I on my path and I need to find some stuff. So the big learning point was just really just self awareness and like the exercise in our, in our is like if I continue this path, in five years where will I be? And it's like you still be the same, and that's something I didn't like Looking at into the future, what was that reflection for you?
Speaker 1:looking like staring that and then, because a lot of people, some people can tell people to do stuff, right, oh yeah. So like, map out your future and that the five year goals out, map the ones of what you'd be like now if you didn't change anything. And then people actually don't do it. I don't want to look at that, I don't want to face that. You're like well, if you want to make a change, people say you gotta you know you gotta face the pain. The deeper the roots, yeah, the closer the tree gets to heaven. What was that like?
Speaker 2:Yeah it, it was a really good exercise because it just literally I was like, okay, I never really stopped and reflected on what the future was. It's kind of I was just kind of flowing with life and doing whatever came towards.
Speaker 1:You forget. Hey, yeah, I just. You just forget to even think a map or plan goals out, anything you just like. I'm just yeah next minute it's like life's taking me.
Speaker 2:I'm not taking life literally just live each day by without any plans or anything and just like. It's like going into a forest and just walking around in a forest. I've even got an axe or anything. I'm not even chipping away trying to make a pathway for wherever I want to be to make my house, I'm just going around as far as gone. Well, that's cool, there's my she's. She's just having a walk hanging out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that is like the worst way to be. I think it's like so unconscious, like unless, unless you've like sort of transcended the rest of the stuff and you're like your intention is to just Be in the forest and you figured it out, and you're like I'm gonna be here, see what happens and ride, because everything else. If you're not that conscious, then it's like you gotta look at yeah good, look at things yeah, it's like I was reading that car totally the power of now yeah and he was sent.
Speaker 2:Like I've done a few of the exercises in his book. I'm done a whole thing, but it's more like just sitting back and watching like Hayden driving in a car. Just like what, what is he doing? He's on like just driving, step back and just have a look at yourself and like he's just going in the modern world, just drive when it's going. And I found that that's a good one to like go back to the president, get that self awareness of like just pull yourself out of there and it's like what Hayden like I'm doing a podcast now, like let's just watch him, just talk about some stuff, just like float outside your body and then watch everything of life and then you know it's good. Then you can kind of direct yourself or where you want to do an experiences in life.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. You can just visualize that, yeah, that's a tool. Unless someone like you know, unless you like you read the book and you did the exercise. It's like now you've actually Quick check in, what am I doing, where I'm going. I was like you literally can like vision yourself doing like what happened like the last like two months. You can like think of everything in five seconds. You figure out what that is and it's like, oh, this is a decision I need to make because, like, decisions are the most important things yeah, so yeah, it's it and I.
Speaker 2:The reason I get that visualization is one time I was sitting down in during covid, in the lockdown on. I was doing an army operation with up covered, whatever it is in Melbourne, so locked in a hotel for two months. So you know, you literally only go out when you do it work with the police and everything, and then you go back to your hotel and they deliver food and it was just so crap. So it's literally in the hotel like a little apartment for two months. So I was like I'm gonna start doing some meditation and I did this one. I put everything into it and actually floated outside my body and watch myself sitting there and I watched this thoughts go in from one in, in and out, and I was like reading his thoughts as they were going in and that was me.
Speaker 1:So I was like whoa yeah, you had a full mystical experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just like what is this?
Speaker 1:incredible, incredible, it's crazy, like the power of that. Yeah, people don't think like how strong their minds are and, like you know, it's like, well, how powerful and real is it when you dream. Yeah, it can affect you, like you can wake up, like sometimes, so literally, it's like they talk about this is a book, so I like to read and it's like, depending on what you're thinking, like Makes you essentially, depending on what you're thinking, influences your direct behaviors, things that you say and how you act. Like even notice sometimes you just walk to the fridge and open the fridge and what the fuck am I doing in the fridge? It's like Where'd that come from?
Speaker 1:And it's like, literally, in terms of your own brains programming and how you're thinking and what you're visualizing will determine, like how you act. Like you know, when you think about food and you start to get a little bit hungry and you start salivating and it's like that's happening to us with words that we say, with interactions that we do like. It's why it's so important to Like Like a mindset and strong like visualization, visualizations in our brain, like understand the different tools. So I'm curious is I'm actually really like curious in this question? Like, like, insert the standard. When you did learn some tools and apply them, what were the ones that you found were the most impactful for you and how could people who like listening to this use them?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, that's a great one. Like, I found the King, warrior, magician, lover was a really good way to understand and and sort of like Choose. You know, when there's this scenario comes up, you know who do I gotta be in this situation to be able to overcome this problem. So, you know, when you're a king, you step up into your like, your leadership. When you're a warrior, you step into, you know, working or getting this shit done. That you need.
Speaker 2:If you're a magician, you gotta I need to create some things or systems and stuff and like business as well. And then love us is where I need to connect my relationship. Will you know relationship, family or friends or partners. So Just acknowledging like, like, if I had like a problem in the family, like my dad's doing something stupid and I'm like, alright, I got stuff until my king and just be, you know, sort this out and sort of things. So you know, same relationship. I need to give more love, show emotions and and do all that sort of things.
Speaker 2:I found that was one of the big things is like, this makes sense because I love my old school, you know Greek mythology, barbarian, warrior stuff. So it's like, yeah, king warrior, like I love that because you have the mage, this great wizardry, up and just concoction like this is my creation. Yeah, they get that warrior to go in and go to the gym and just being absolute man. Yeah, I really like the that, that sort of. That's not the one thing I did take away, which is great yeah, I love how you said that.
Speaker 1:It was like not what do I need to do, like you just tell the intelligence. You already said not what do I need to do to like solve this problem. It who do I need to become to solve this problem? Now you have, like, this perfect tool and you understand the dark side, light side. How have you used any of those To like? Have you got examples where you've actually use some of those and been like oh my god, this worked.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I had some stuff up where my father was staying with us and he likes to drink a fair bit so and not abusive or anything like that. Just he, just he's just alcohol is doing with his own problems and stuff like that and it started to affect my old relationship with my partner and you know I was kind of like dad, you need to do this, like this is not like you're stuffing around. He was at the front of ours with a caravan and, just like you know, living there and then getting drunk and I'm like you can't be my dad at the front of my house in a caravan drinking. This is just not, this is just not a good look.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not a good look. You just, you, just out there. Like there's no sign on the on the camper van that says Hayden's dad, like no one knows. You just could be a stranger park there drinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's obviously so many things like a couple of days is fine, but if it's like a week or so and a couple weeks and then it starts affect your relationship with that and then like, all right, I need to step up and, you know, let him know that, hey, this is, this is not what I want to accept this, I can't accept this and we need to do something about it. So I sat him down at the park and like wrote him, sort of like in a year, a eulogy. I did that sort of exercise where I said, look, I'm going to read you your eulogy, if you pass away, because I want to tell you all the things that I good fucking job to after you did your eulogy. Yeah, yeah, I did mine and I was like, yeah, all right, what a great idea, yeah it's just how, it's just like holding it's yeah, that you lose is like wow.
Speaker 2:It's like your 80 year old self you always I like to talk to my 80 year old self to sometimes is in. You know like I feel like because sometimes you give yourself the best advice and you give other people better advice as well, but you don't even sometimes always follow it. So when I give myself for the 80 year old self advice, I'm like well, he's always like what should I do? You know what you need to do? I do.
Speaker 1:They give you the sage wisdom. Hey, they don't give you the answer, they just like a little bit of encouragement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like Gandalf. It was just like Gandalf. You fucking ride all the time, it just knows.
Speaker 1:I just like it's powerful and I want people to like also turn up to think that, like that isn't powerful, because you can literally like, even with acting right and you know this is so true it's just like okay, if I need to give myself advice right now, literally just step into someone who is really wise, like just embody them and just sort of like have that conversation with yourself. You're like wow, some of the shit that I can come up with is so crazy. When I talk to myself in my mind, what the hell?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's I like to ask the question when I step in. It was something hard. I'm like what would the best version of myself do? And I just sort of just do that, and Working pretty well.
Speaker 1:So you're talking to your dad? Yeah, using the king of the war, magician, love her, or?
Speaker 2:yeah, I stood up into my king. You know you step into multiple of them when you do an activity, so that activity was like I might have created the piece of paper to write down this, and I use my lover to express the feelings and everything, and then to my king to deliver it.
Speaker 1:So, so that's so conscious bro yeah that's so. I respect that. I got to respect that. That's so conscious.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate that and I am. I went there from you, so it's all kudos to yourself. So I have that gratitude for you. So thank you. But yeah, so I sat down at the park and you know, I just had that piece of paper. I even got my brother to send a video of him doing his u-leagy as well, so I was just bringing a lot heard about any of this.
Speaker 1:You just took the stuff that we taught. You went like 10x, that's it.
Speaker 2:I was like I need to do this now because you know King gonna step on it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I got my brother, he did the video. So I showed him the video of that and I said this is an exercise, dad. And then I, you know, I read mine and had a few theories. He had a bit of theories and he was also like you know, I gotta be better. And from there it's, it's hitting from home. He's starting to do little implementations to be that better. It takes a long time for the older generation to get around it. I know probably your side of your experience with your father as well. It is the same that it takes some time, but you will get there. And I think that the hardest thing is being vulnerable to him and just expressing it. Just drop my shield, give him my expressions and just tell him exactly, true, authentic, and the way you deliver is just. I guess what I did is the u-leagy, so that's how you alpha dad your dad yeah, there's like he could try to like.
Speaker 1:You know that really like separates the bond of being like I'm not your son anymore, you know what I mean. I'm like like your equal, probably more of a new. You say some shit like that and they're just like oh shit, like I've been holding on for stuff like my whole life. I was just talking to my housemate today and I was like we probably do like a next level, but one was like bring your dad yeah, that a squire program or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like bring your dad. I'm like I wouldn't even need a right agenda, like I just I just need a day and fix everything.
Speaker 2:The sun works out, it's yeah that would be nuts.
Speaker 2:I think it's also a good thing, like, even though I've had that, like my dad's been absolutely loving to be, it's the best ever, but it's like that. I want you to be the best and you know I've had to. It's good because it's taught me to go. This is not what I want to do. I don't follow that path. I need to become someone else. So, as much as it does happen to you, it happens for your reason, to be able to grow and do that. So For any of the guys out there that do have that kind of situation with fathers or even worse, or with mothers and stuff, it's a good one to as a actor, as a challenge, and not like this is shit, this happened to me, I'm a victim and do that it's take some, yeah, responsibility and 10x yourself yeah, because it holds you back from business and everything else.
Speaker 1:Like, if you go to that emotional shit, like just have a Like. I find, like a lot of us do, we feel like our dads have to do something first, or like so that we can, so that we get permission to do it, because, like, maybe they didn't do it as a kid. And then, like, when they finally do, it's like, oh, now I've got permission to do this. Now I know, when I was like Holiday, I kept my dad like dad, you got a book somewhere to go. I felt guilty for holidays because he never got, never went to. So he never got to. You could afford it, but he never went on holidays.
Speaker 1:Or we hate our dads so much that we go and do something out of despite like like to despise them and be like you know, fuck you, I'm gonna prove you wrong. And then like, yeah, I get bigger and each other was like the whole world's like trying to help you guys separate like the that, like like the father son bronzies. You can connect. Connect better is like you know. It's like just like really close friends and having like a conversation like that, like you did, it's just the quickest way to just samurai sword. Yeah, so cool. So how did how did learning all of like these things as well that help you with, like the awareness to make decisions like In your business, focus on your business, not distract yourself with partying like? How did you use these to end up, like you know, really working on your career and making it progress?
Speaker 2:yeah, so there's so many tools in the program.
Speaker 2:It's there's like Like, for example, that energies, energy, one module, for I think it is just optimizing your health, because you know when you start to have a con brand and the fire company as well and I'm sort of a start juggling and and your house sort of slips and you like trying to like build them all and like juggle these things, that just having optimizing your house, they have like a routine where you get that in books once your health is there and it's like that I'm hierarchy man you get your health sorted and body and it goes all the way up.
Speaker 2:But that was that was a good one for helping me balance businesses, like getting my health sorted, and then everything sort of starts to follow in place with the steps. So Another one is yet another one's blockages was like emotions, so bringing awareness, accepting them and then best dealing with like reptilian brain, brain, human brain and monkey brain and knowing when, okay, I might have got so much emotions, like a while I'm a monkey is like oh well, well, monkeys act out of emotions and what are you doing? That? That's not, that's not, that's not a masculine thing, that's acting out as a family just going, and then I always like to go. Okay, I'm getting all these emotions and I'm like always catch myself like, hey, monkey, brain shut up, get the human brain back and Get some reset back in.
Speaker 1:So that's like real things have happened to me. Tell me some cool stories like regards to that.
Speaker 2:I think it's when I'm getting overwhelmed and I'm just sitting at the computer I've got so much stuff to do and I'll be like, I'll be like angry and I'm like I fucking need this, I need it, and he just I'm walking around the house like going to things. I'm not even, it's not, I'm just going like I feel like I've just got dementia, I'm forgetting what I'm doing and I'm shit. I'm like I did nothing and I've got no schedule, nothing planned. It's just all.
Speaker 1:Just feel unproductive. Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm just staring at the screen and it's just like I just want to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just pass that screen. Yeah, headbutt screen Work.
Speaker 2:It's just dealing with colleague like my old job with in corporate. It's like a train, fire trainers, corporate jobs to go different businesses and stuff and then things that weren't like working well and you know these things. Yeah, just the anger is just the emotions and you just want to act out and like bring yourself back down. Is it massive one? So yeah, and then I'm analyzing that your reptilian I was probably in the reptilian for six months in overseas to say that's why it was so hard to like. You know, just always survival, survival, survival. So yeah, that took a bit to like flush out as well to get back into. You can talk, make decisions and human stuff instead of just acting out.
Speaker 2:Survival but that's probably another one is being from in the survival area where it's high threat and everything like that and you always wired and everything, and then Not an act, not when I got back, it's like alright, so when from reptilian survival, and then all the emotions sort of come up from the monkey. So you know, and then Finally and I'll go into the human because it's the slowest one so you've got survival monkey and then human and it's obviously reptilian, like instant monkeys, like that little next bit, and then the human takes a little bit to like, process all those emotions, what just happens, like what the fuck just happened.
Speaker 1:I love how you've like figured that out and like you're so aware of it and like, with the decisions, like, oh, I'm reacting, oh, now I'm reacting on emotion. Let me just chill for a second. That's what I'm supposed to do. We talked to Gandalf for a minute. Hang on, guys. Hey, just having full conversations. Guys, monkey, you person, gandalf right, we need to have a chat.
Speaker 2:Bring in fellas and come in here.
Speaker 1:We're having a chat right. We're going to send an email. That's what we're going to do.
Speaker 2:It's like almost like the Lord of the Rings, where they've got the one ring and they're all doing that meeting and then give it a try and break the thing down, and it's like you're doing that.
Speaker 1:You can get rid of your Gimli.
Speaker 2:Yeah, have a little counsel of yourself in there. Imagine what your king is, your warrior, your magician, your lover is there and then act. You know, my warrior is going to be massive, he's going to be huge, and then my magician probably looks like the you, you fucking purple dude, what's that?
Speaker 1:about the evil dude or the white haggard, or the actual evil magician, the card? Yeah, that guy. That's what.
Speaker 2:I think of that guy because I can't remember his name.
Speaker 1:It's like dark magician or something. I can't remember that, bro, I don't think like Wigigio hit that long, popped in my brain like whoa, and then the lovers.
Speaker 2:I don't know, he probably some stud, something like that, it's like, I'm sure, michael's or something like that.
Speaker 1:What do you think of the king? And go finish off with that now.
Speaker 2:The king man. He probably use some just like Zeus. Yeah, just Zeus is just an absolute boss.
Speaker 1:It's really cool. Actually, I like the zoo story because when Zeus stepped into his like most intense Kinghood which is why, like with our wheel of King, more a magician lover he stepped into his ear, his Kinghood. When he ended up, it was like eating and doing something with one of these feminine gods he was trying to bang. Just try to fuck everyone. In Greek mythology, he does fucking everyone and she ends up like planting herself in his brain and he never gets rid of a. I come here. It starts with an M it's.
Speaker 1:Medus. The Jing Medus starts with an M.
Speaker 2:Yeah, medus, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:Crazy. And then then it influences all his decisions and then he starts making really good decisions because she's just injecting a little bit of love and a little bit of compassion so he's not being such a fucking tyrant all the time and like ruining shit and banishing Prometheus, like to Prometheus as a king, get him back. And it's really interesting because that's like that's just a little bit of a lover. It's like just a little bit of like focused, I would say, like feminine, masculine energy, because you can love masculine and you can love feminine and I feel like that's a very masculine way of loving. And when you figure that out and you can like apply that to all your decisions, it's like that's when you shop, as like a proper king. So I think, like Zeus is a good example.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he also gets hit in the head with the axe and Athena comes out. Yeah, it's just so wild that, yeah.
Speaker 1:but I'll tell you, I, like Greek myth, hit that head with an axe. Athena comes out. He fucking puts Dionysus in his thigh before he gets birth, like slits it open. Dionysus comes out, man. Greek mythology is fucking gory bro, it's wild, it's so cool. Charges me up, though I'm like oh, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the. How do we?
Speaker 2:even think of this shit. Yeah, it's like an ask what would Zeus do like find a bolt someone? I'd hate to be here like just fucking bad, to be the worst. She's just always like planning shit and she's. I guess it's Zeus's fault, but yeah it is.
Speaker 1:She just gets cheating on all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she just chasing him and like you know it's so funny, like like when you think of, like the rule, much like alpha dogs who are like that is like you know that what happens, like you know there's part of the woman who was fierce man leaving and like doing something and it may not be cheating on his partner with and I like the mythology for it with another woman or a woman. It's like cheating on with work, cheating on with scrolling on your phone, cheating on looking at porn, cheating on like no attentions, lack of presence, and her just like wanting it all the time and then when he does give it to her, she just turns into this fucking like God ass, like Queen, like charges up and like everyone benefits when Zeus is giving her energy and then is like sneaking around to the time you're going into.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it tells awesome stories right of like the feminine and masculine. I find it fascinating to hear that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I really got into it because I love that Greek stuff and and I, when I started, I was like I'm learning lessons from these, from these things of like jealousy and and relationships, because that's like it's sort of like the start of like the universe or whatever they do in the in the cosmos. But you know how they all interact and they're learning from their lessons and stuff. And you know atlas and you know been an absolute boss and then Hercules triples and tribulations through his just journey. When I, when I read the heroes, yeah, and it goes on about Hercules chapter, I was like, wow, hercules has been through some shit, yeah, and I get inspiration to every day I was waking up was like Hercules did you read that when you're doing that, the standard?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, during. Yeah. Also brings back to another thing I really did. I know that I would like to mention was the tempteris. There was a little module in it and someone's gone about the 10th tempteris and how it shows up in you know the temperature, school to temperature into porn. You know it's. But yeah, you know, every time you go to go drink or something that you go against your vision or what your your purposes or what you want to do, the tempteris is always attempting you to. You know, I just eat that meal on, here's a dessert. Go watch some porn off. You know it's just as a tempteris and I always like to imagine as a tempteris that just tempts you to go do the things that you don't should be doing. We all have our inner succubus.
Speaker 1:Yes, right, it's crazy.
Speaker 1:I love the tempter stuff because it's like what core part of the heroes journey for every like, every single section of the heroes journey is like when you dive deep into it.
Speaker 1:It's like it's this thing that's just so present in our life all the time. And yeah, tempteris one is a big one because when you start highlighting like feminine energy and like how good it is and that's men, like how we need it, especially if you're a high performer, if you're high TV, if you like working hard, if you got to fucking businesses and you're trying to manage them and you know and get everything done and you've got like trauma from army, so masculine, it's like you know, if there's you haven't got that sort of feminine flow within you, then it shows up in beers with the boys cuddles on like oh, like fuck, yeah, we're in this together. We just completed a deployment. Hell yeah, like all that feminine energy like you got. You need that because you've been so masculine and it's everything's always gonna like balance back and forth in and yank, at some point it's gonna come in. When you can notice those temptations, hey, massive whoa. Then they're everywhere and you're like I'm tempted with everything.
Speaker 2:It's not your balancing act that like you go full masculine and you go full feminine and you're like, oh, I've got a balance, I've been to this for so long, and you get stuck in that and then you're like I've got none of this anymore. So it's just, yeah, absolutely balancing act.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I tack bodybuilding shows. Like when I have a bodybuilding show, I'm gonna be so masculine here in my routine. I'm gonna schedule like sending positive text messages to people or making sure that I'm doing something really nice for my partner, or make sure that I'm booking in, like like okay, in my calendar is like sort of like mental noted, I'm right. So from 10 in the morning till to, it's just sex time, like whatever it is, whatever that is somewhere in there, we want to go in there and just like let it flow, because I'm gonna goddamn need that, and if I don't let that in, just be. So why at all time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, that's so you like realign yourself so you're not get caught up into that masculine. It's just like, hey, the two remind, little reminders to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just to consciously think about. And then like, because it's easy, when you got a bodybuilding call, because you know that is coming. Sometimes in business, if you like, as you know, it's like you can't exactly. It's a bit harder to plan what's happening for the next, because sometimes like, oh yeah, well, we're winning who? I'm the money man, look at all this money coming to me. And other times you're like, oh shit, I have to work so hard right now to like crush this. And that's when it gets stressful and overwhelming and you can't pick those moments because I feel like money, just an energy. You can't control it. Right, you can put in wicked structures in place but it's like you can direct the water. But in terms of like when annoying, when it's gonna send me, when it's not, it's a little bit. It's harder to predict.
Speaker 1:So when I can find out like those things are happening, I'm like, okay, the last couple of months I've actually been a little bit feminine, so now this is like first is a masculine, so it's focused on some structure, let's get some things done and sorted out. But then noticing, if I am focusing on the message, I'm gonna need to be focusing on the feminine. So there's like this year for me I've been doing so much masculine shit so I was like going to Japan, book Japan, book flights to Dubai, book flights to America, just have some trips like throughout the year of traveling. Like okay, there's gonna be. I'm focusing on my business hard for the next like six or seven months, so like in between I'm gonna go on some holidays to just like let loose a little bit, yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that is definitely something I need to do as well, just being like I need to go masculine, build my shit, go home, and it just comes in waves, like it's like pits and troughs, like you got to acknowledge. When you're in the pit and you're like I gotta fight my way out of here, back on the trouble, that's cool. And then it just it's like always ask myself like yeah, when it's really shit and you're like I fucking, I'm just it's not working out, it's all this stuff, and usually ask myself this is where most people would quit. And then that always just realigns me. I say like this is where I have to show up, and how would I show up and my most time and that's usually realigns me to go. You're good, you go back up there.
Speaker 1:Right, so I got a couple more questions as well. What are your biggest temptations?
Speaker 2:I'd say phone distraction, like just just, it's the algorithm, it's procrastination distraction, it's just something that I've got to do a task. I'd rather just go on my phone and scroll for a bit and just do scroll and and then it's also not it's trying to communicate and it's like I should get girls or like get more value from something. Like you know, it's the temptress stuff. Like I need some self worth to.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't know what it is like to make me take action or something yeah, make me feel good, or like a talk is a drug, and care what anyone says. Also, because I've been like, as I post on tiktok, I noticed I got a post and get off, because I said I'm like this is too fun, like I'm I'm having such a good time, like, oh my God, I relate to that whole thing. I'm going to Japan. Look at all these things. I'm like, I'm like I'm noticing. I was like, okay, I'll give myself five minutes because otherwise I'm not going to get out. I'll give myself five minutes and just let my brain like do its thing. Because, like, I'm noticing that I'm high. I'm like I'm literally high while I'm having this. I can, I can feel it in my brain.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've noticed that when, if you, I don't, I have, I've got this outfit so opal and I've, it's literally like a restrict a. It literally doesn't really do things. So I've done like I don't check until five to six now in the Arvo. But when I used to, I just like tempted. I was just like, oh, what if I got an Instagram message or what if I got a Snapchat or something? I would like open it. And then I've just like in the morning, you know, check your phone, wake up like alarms on the phone. So you click that and you're like, oh, temp to start and you open it up. I've just let everyone into my room in the morning. It's like this is just you know, it's just you're scrolling, you literally let everyone into your room.
Speaker 2:Get out of my room Get the fuck out. I should start it off with like get up, go to the gym, do that stuff. It should generally do. But you know, I noticed that that was affecting my start of my day and it's like the first five minutes you wake up is like something you should. You set intentions for the day and you're filling with Instagram and scrolling. You're like I've just let all these people in on my day in the first thing, so God damn. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a that's probably. I love that temptation Just literally phone, get out of my bloody room. All right, I've got another one. So this one was like how do you think, what? What is the best way for men to become the most like the best versions of themselves?
Speaker 2:Well, this is a good one. I um first I actually started finding ways to naturally boost my testosterone. That was a huge one for me because I noticed when I was listening to your podcast about testosterone and like you should have a rocky in the morning, like if I can, ready to go go to war. I was like that sometimes happens, not all the time for me so I was like that's a good indication. My levels aren't optimum. So I got on the path of you know, doing cold showers, doing workouts, increasing my protein, all that sort of like, all these natural things that I can do to naturally do best boost it. That helped me. With more tests I've got so much testosterone out. I'm like always like, oh, let's go.
Speaker 1:It's actually scary. Like some men can't handle the amount of testosterone. When you feel it that it's like fuck, I need to go do something because this is so uncomfortable, because it is a lust, it's like a sexual urge and like it has energy that just like comes from, like your lower body. You know I'm going to happen. When I quit like masturbation ages ago and I remember I wasn't seeing anyone, so I just went for a long time Like I think it was like six or seven months of like no ejaculation, and I remember just like the sheer force and I was like this is so uncomfortable, like so uncomfortable. I've got to focus this fucking energy right now. Yeah, hell, yeah, you fucking up there, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so bringing that in like that was a big one. The test at the other opposite is, though is the temptress of like I should go do a wanker right now, because there's some hot chicks on my phone and I'm doing the same. I'm doing once a month now, as in. That's only my time period, so it's 12 a year, and then eventually, I'll stamp that out. But I have done a good job, man, so yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's full on a oh, it's, it's, it's hard and it's hard probably for all the dudes out there, like I do once a week or once sorry, once a day or twice a day I'm like fuck, that's just draining some. You're just shooting that energy and it just wasted it. It's yeah. So that was the biggest one. I think that was a good stepping stone for people who want to get to the best, most alpha like dude that you want to be, is boost your testosterone, because there's so many things in the modern world that literally are taking it away from you. And yeah, you just need to get that back, I think. And once that is, I think you can make better decisions. You're healthy kidding you get bigger muscles if you're working out because you're, you're natural. If you look up natural tests, natural ways to boost testosterone, it's first one's like one of those is exercise.
Speaker 1:So you start getting bigger Exercise and sleep, yeah, yeah, literally that was the big one.
Speaker 2:I was doing like four hours of sleep until I listened to your podcast. I was like I'm on sleep and I was like what, oh God? I was like thank you. No, it was a life changer Actually. Like realized I was trying to be one of those entrepreneurs and hustle, hustle, hustle, less sleep, you know whatever and I was working on my e-com brand at that point and I was going to bed at 12, waking up at four going on the gym and I was just I love working with the e-com dudes bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's wild, but four hours of sleep. And then I realized I'll listen to your podcast on sleep and I was like, man, I'm now getting eight hours. I'm like, well, I'm like, wow, my whole day I sacrificed four hours of that sleep. Um, when they're back in a day and I'd be like it's so sleepy throughout the day, I would fucking do shit, all and everything. And I got my eight hours and I was like, oh, now I achieve my 16 hour bloody window of being able to do absolute productivity. So it's just so many things to change with naturally boosting your testosterone. I think that's the best way to straight go to, you know, because you're going to increase your protein and everything.
Speaker 1:And it's also dealing with your emotions as well, cause all the time out like testosterone smashed cause we go with this stress or whatever this from shit that we haven't healed. And I do love working with e-com people because like the hustlers and like the entrepreneurs in the grinder and like can give me you for just a little while, just bam, change some shit around. They're like wow, I'm so much more successful now and I'm not stressed and I'm like it's like magic. Yeah, but sometimes having to let go right, that's the hard part, cause it's emotional things like, oh, I mean, what do you mean stop four hours? No, what do you mean have more sleep than four hours? I'm like I'm never going to get anything done. And it's like I remember a mentor was so funny. I was like one of my mentors asked I was like he was a lot older. I was like what do you think is like the best way to become successful? And he was like I don't know, probably get more sleep. And I was like I just started laughing.
Speaker 2:I was like again, it's such a big factor. I didn't really cause the army doesn't let you sleep much either. Like you go outfield, you pickets and you up at late nights. So yeah, I was usually used to. I was trying to be Batman. I was like sleep on four to six hours and I was actually at aim like six hours is my perfect mark and I was like no, it's not, it's not.
Speaker 1:Get one of these, get an aura, you know, like God damn.
Speaker 2:I'm getting. I've got my G, these bangers, but I'm going to get one of those for sure, Dude life changing.
Speaker 1:There was another question I had for you. I love that Great answer as well. By the way, it's so sick. Um, it was something along the lines of something to do. I wanted to ask something about like, uh, not so much like men becoming the best version of themselves, but um men becoming superior men through balancing, like personal life and business, and like your thoughts on on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, that's. I'm still in the process of doing that at the moment. With balancing, it's like, yeah, it's a balancing act and I know I've I'm on the fence about the decision. Uh, sorry, on the fence about this one where I've listened to some people and they say there is no balance. Some people say there is balance and the people that say there is no balance it's like, well, what you've got to do is if your business has gone shit, then you've got to do the business, and then your family might go to shit. Then you've got to balance that as well. It's just like a balancing game of actually just lifting them up, if that makes sense. So, yeah, it's hard. I don't know if he can have an always. It's never going to be equal. I just don't believe it. And there's a guy out there that doesn't maybe call you. Probably do that.
Speaker 1:Well, what, um, what are some things that I'd like to hear you this like, because I like this, because I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to magician you, so no, so, like in regards to like communication, emotional intelligence, your awareness and like the tools that you have learned, was like, how are you using that to make a personal life great and your business great, even when sometimes they're both out of balance?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that that is probably one of the biggest things is, is that self awareness of when that's happening? Is you know cause you can get so stuck into doing business, in your friendships, relationships, all that sort of thing? You just, ah, you're in there and then, having that awareness, to just bring yourself out of that decision, make a good decision, step into either King Laurie, whatever you have to do, and then, um, and also, it's like a, it's like a you know, what role are you going to do? These are your emotions, this is how you act.
Speaker 2:It's just all one big sort of ball that you kind of just got to sit there, unpuzzle it for a little bit and then just decide what you, how you're going to best deal with it. And us men we just go straight into like solutions and this is what it is. And then it's like, nah, you got emotions with that decision. Okay, let's have a sit where you got to be, what you got to do. Yeah, that that one is. It's just like a combination of all those and once you start nailing them, all these decisions become easier and, yeah, it just think that's the cheat code.
Speaker 1:It's it's a blue yeah, it's, it's literally the cheat code. It's like it's just like your awareness, your communication and having the right tools. It's like you kind of always balanced. If you're aware of it, you're like, oh, wicked. Like, for example, I was having like a crazy month like the last. Last month we had like a crazy week, but like we're pretty slow for like the month moving forward.
Speaker 1:And I just mentioned to my partner. I was just like said to her I was like cool, I was letting you know I'm going to need some support in October because I'm going to be going balls to the wall, we're going hard, we're going to be crushing it. There's like a lot of pressure on just like the amount of stuff that I've got to do. So I'm just like letting you know that she's like I got your fucking back. I was like I got your fucking back Sick. Now I don't have to worry, right, yeah, right, just because it. One thing but I knew, instead of letting stress coming aware, it's like okay, I remain pretty calm, even though, like, when some stress comes in, like oh, a lot of stress to come up, and then I'm like who will have a stress to come out getting Jedi at that shit. I'm getting like real Jedi at it, so I'll just send her a message. And she was like, of course, crush it. I was like win.
Speaker 2:It's easy done. Yeah literally that in the bank.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was there so hard, oh my god. It's so hard for a dude to Say that, to say I'm gonna be struggling like cuz we don't want to say yeah especially to your girl, can actually weak and it feel like she's like not gonna Go like you, but instead like you say that shit to your girl and like the message back is like I got your fucking back crush it. I'm like, alright, that morning wood that was lost. If I had no test, I straight up back up again.
Speaker 2:That's so. Yeah, that's something as well, with no, you're like oh, like I only ended a relationship in June, like three, four months ago. So yeah, that was. That was something that I really really acknowledge, that I didn't share much of my emotions and let her know of how I was feeling, and I think that's a big one for dudes that we just say logical Answering, just be like yeah, I'm good and like yeah, but what do you actually need to say I'm good, I need support in the next couple weeks, oh, I'm just feeling shit right now, and that was so hard to just say.
Speaker 1:Good fucking job, have you been saying it? Getting through it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I've ended that relationship now, so it's yeah it was just not working for me at the time.
Speaker 2:But now in my future one get the courage like I'll have yeah, I'm now have the blueprint from all everything that we've been learning and taught, and taught that I'll be able to go okay, now I can identify these. I now can just show emotion, especially after the events that we've done. I can now give the emotion and be able to just like I surrender in it, give, give the like. It's like a man, you just you know you're surrendering, you're giving your sword to the feminine and she's like I've got your back and you're like thank you. And then she gives you a bigger weapon. You're like I'll go fucking shit.
Speaker 1:Thanks for saying that, man, like thanks for coming to the retreat and like just fucking leaning in and completely changing everything afterwards, cuz you just saying that? I feel like every dude listening is like holy shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a hundred percent. Like best thing I've ever done. Just fucking do it. I was like I didn't even have the funds at a time. I was like I'd rather do this than fucking money come and go like fucking just spend that and just go do it. And it was like fuck, yeah. I came after that week. I was like wow, I was like that was worth it. That was next level.
Speaker 2:I was like it was called next level for some reason. I was like, yeah, that was, that was hectic. And and like, yeah, the dudes that you get from it and network like dudes that are just the same boat, we're all in the same boat, and like it's like when you're oh, right now, but before it was all like people like over there throwing up on the board and no one's this man. Then you get a leader and then just starts rowing, everyone's fucking working together. Well, we're getting somewhere now and we get to the island we like. Now we can celebrate.
Speaker 1:So sick dude. Well for man, everyone who's listening. Where can they find you? What are your businesses? How can they get connected with you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Hayden Heath is just my name, so in Instagram just Hayden Heath Scott, second H on the end, and my businesses are just running a calm brand. That's just going at the moment.
Speaker 1:What is it?
Speaker 2:It's plasma lighters.
Speaker 1:So that's sick. I think I got one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just electric lighters. So no, gas is just rechargeable. So just sell them online. What's?
Speaker 1:the brand called.
Speaker 2:It is literally called plasma lighters.
Speaker 2:Oh so, yeah, so it's double, double plasma lighterscom today, you know, and my main baby, though, is that's why I've sort of parked a calm at the moment and I'll get into it later. But I'm really building up this company now it's called five volt. So you know any business or brick and mortar people that have no idea about business compliance and stuff with fire training, evacuation diagrams, fire maintenance, test and tag and all that. So we sort of do everything with compliance. So if a business you know has a warehouse and they're like we've got extinguishers, we don't do training or we don't need back, we don't have anything to set up like wardens and all that.
Speaker 1:You're the fucking guys. I'm awesome. Well, this is like to leave one challenge after this conversation. Give them one, challenge them to do that they can take action on now.
Speaker 2:I would say I Download opal, which is that app or some sort of app that stops or restricts you or put a limit on your Just on your social media, because that has now 10x to like my productivity, my 50, my productivity went up 50% when I, as soon as I limited, I gave myself non negotiables. I'm not checking Instagram until five to six is my window every day, and you know what, every time I jump on it, instagram's not Catching me anymore. I'm like kind of like this is not, I just reply to some people and then I don't have to like sit, they're scrolling. The more I was on it, the more I was using it, the more sucked in I was getting. So I just put those Limiters on and you'll just see how much life is just so much better with like, especially nowadays.
Speaker 2:We got snapchats, instagram, tick tock, linkedin, like Facebook. All that stuff is just so many temptations. So why not just restrict the fuck out of them and get you go? Do your life, productivity, vision, like that's more important than trying to like talk to some girls or do whatever, or just scroll and do. It's going watch. Every other entrepreneur gets heaps successful. So just focus on you and get there until you're there, then fucking you know, then you can do what you want, but for me, that's that's how I go. But, yeah, I'd also like to thank you as well with Everything you did. Like my personal development journey it was all started from yourself. So I just like when I give you heaps of love and gratitude, that I appreciate your brother and just everything that you've taught in health and everything from personal down to the retreats and everything that you've done and programs and everything. It's just been absolute. Like, yeah, if you want to jump into it, you're the man, so I just want to give you that one.
Speaker 1:So dude, thank you so much for saying that. That means a lot, because it's like not often that you get like like the crazy recognition from that. So yeah thank you, bro, thanks for trusting me.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, honestly, like everything like Greek myth, like Magician, warrior, body, man, the symbols, all that stuff, like superior man, like everything is just from stand from your way that you've cut all this Information and gave it in small chunks for us to actually understand, instead of you've done that so many hours on, hours on town, imagine on the computer just doing away doing that, and I'm like that is so much work and like, yeah, just really appreciate that man.
Speaker 1:So thank you, bro. I feel that big time. Thank you, Love you, brother. Sweet what I say.