Ever feel like you're stuck in a rut, or find yourself doubting your purpose? You're not alone.
This episode embarks on a powerful journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and emotional growth.
We'll immerse ourselves in a profound exploration of grief, heartbreak, and the transformative power of accepting ourselves, even when it conflicts with the approval of those closest to us.
We then traverse the wild unknown of risk-taking, ego, and the incredible breakthroughs they can lead to.
Listen to how intimacy workshops can shatter our self-inflicted boundaries, propelling us into a realm of greater understanding and acceptance.
You'll also gather vital tips on effective communication, including how to advocate for yourself and how to express your truth without compromising safety.
Finally, we face the often intimidating prospect of self-doubt and finding purpose, dissecting our motivations, affirming our worth, and tapping into a power greater than ourselves.
Understanding the complexities of work relationships and managing the emotions that often underpin our work is also a critical part of this journey.
We'll wrap up our discussion by focusing on the role of resilience and family as powerful motivators.
Join us as we learn to shape our environment, choose the right people for our lives, and dig deep into our motivations for a fulfilling journey towards personal and professional success.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Ever feel like you're stuck in a rut, or find yourself doubting your purpose? You're not alone.
This episode embarks on a powerful journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and emotional growth.
We'll immerse ourselves in a profound exploration of grief, heartbreak, and the transformative power of accepting ourselves, even when it conflicts with the approval of those closest to us.
We then traverse the wild unknown of risk-taking, ego, and the incredible breakthroughs they can lead to.
Listen to how intimacy workshops can shatter our self-inflicted boundaries, propelling us into a realm of greater understanding and acceptance.
You'll also gather vital tips on effective communication, including how to advocate for yourself and how to express your truth without compromising safety.
Finally, we face the often intimidating prospect of self-doubt and finding purpose, dissecting our motivations, affirming our worth, and tapping into a power greater than ourselves.
Understanding the complexities of work relationships and managing the emotions that often underpin our work is also a critical part of this journey.
We'll wrap up our discussion by focusing on the role of resilience and family as powerful motivators.
Join us as we learn to shape our environment, choose the right people for our lives, and dig deep into our motivations for a fulfilling journey towards personal and professional success.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
The most powerful experiences for me have come from grief and have come from heartbreak.
Speaker 2:What up? I'm back again with G Money in the house. What's up, bro?
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:Jinx so crazy. I want to know some of the stuff. When you've been traveling around the world like coaching men, what do you think is like one of the biggest things that come up for guys? They're like prevents them from getting to the next level in business.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this is a really good question and, honestly, I think it comes down to environment. The people that you surround yourself with are essentially impacting you in so many ways. So, being really strategical about the men that you have in your life, that you're receiving support, advice from the men that have in your life, are they inspiring you? Are they up to the same things that you want to be up to in business and in health? Do they represent a level of integrity and relationship that you would want to represent? So, just being really aware of the people that you have in your inner circle and how they influence you, and are they adding value to your life or are they actually holding you back from the life that you want to be living?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because that can be done in like small comments sometimes.
Speaker 1:Done in small comments, can be done in just like behaviors that you sort of like turn one eye to. It's all impacting you, so just like having an awareness of that is huge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's crazy and I like I kind of noticed that I was talking to a guy the other day and he's like oh man, like I keep going to post like fitness content or do something, and then my friends are like, why are you doing that? And he's like but it's like my passion and my purpose and I feel like they're judging me and that's the thing that, like, I really want to do and really want to focus on and it stops me from posting. I'm like bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a bit of the hero's journey, though, like you kind of. You have to follow your own path, and it's hard when, as humans, we just crave acceptance and if they're the people that give us our acceptance, we don't want to act in ways that are outside of their acceptance.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I think First of all, it's to that guy that you're talking to. It probably just needs to putting himself out there and learning how to accept himself when he's not receiving that from his initial friends and family. Potentially, and just knowing that when he puts himself out there and he's authentic to his expression and who he wants to be, the right people will start to filter into his life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then progress happens. Baby, what are some some things that you've seen when you've been coaching, like in the containers, that have been like for pretty mind blowing?
Speaker 1:I think it's just the acknowledgement. There's so much repressed anger in men, so much. And I think more recently, we've grown up in a society where we've been told to be good little boys and doing whatever we can to please and appease the feminine, and that has served us and it's also not. It's like I read this quote the other day it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. Fuck, I said. I fuck it up. It's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. And it just rings so true Like we. We get to really tap into that masculine essence in us and really lead from that place. And it's not about being one way or the other, it's like having them both in balance.
Speaker 2:Yeah so true. So for you. How do you tap back into that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I honestly I think it's first through, just like getting into my body, whether that's lifting weights, whether that's going for a run, whether that's dancing, it's just getting into my body and feeling that primal energy. That's the first step. But then also allowing space for the feminine as well creativity, flow, feeling, allowing that to be there and not demonizing one or the other. But really I think we get to turn on the masculine in men, because it's been shut down for a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I said that with the feminine as well, it's like sort of the oscillation between, like you know, how much can you allow your own creativity and flow to expand as much as it can than how much can like structure crushing, like pushing it through you can't necessarily Right, yeah, and operating between both. And for those wondering, like I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm probably more feminine and you're more masculine in your leadership. Like I'm. Very hey, what's the? How do we all feel about this? What's the energy of the group and your like structure, plan, data points and we need both. Like in set this hand, we need both. It's. It's not one or the other. It's about merging the two and really awakening what is being suppressed in men, whether that's the feminine or the masculine.
Speaker 2:Crazy. I want to hear some stories. I want to hear about, like a story, when you've been coaching some of the stuff, whether you did.
Speaker 1:You're going to have to ask a good question, bro, so general, so I want to hear a story that you have experienced.
Speaker 2:when you have seen like a one on one in person, men have just like a complete breakthrough and you were like there with him through the whole experience.
Speaker 1:It's tough, man, because like those containers are so intimate. It's like how much can I actually share? Don't share any names.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no, don't share any names, I think.
Speaker 1:I remember I was at Burning man one year, five years ago, and we were having a men's circle out in the player somewhere and one of the men that was in the circle was just sharing how he was getting married the next day on the player and he was just sharing all his fears, all his doubts, all his like. Am I ready to be like a provider, supporter and him sharing so vulnerably and just realizing that every single one of us go through that was a huge recognition that men need other men to support each other, to hold space for each other and to really allow ourselves to express that part of ourselves. I think I don't think it's healthy to necessarily always be projecting that expression in a relationship, because it kills the polarity between the feminine and the masculine and whether you're male or female. But yeah, just seeing him talk through his what he was feeling and allowing himself to experience the emotions and allowing that to come up and out, was really powerful.
Speaker 2:Boom, I've had a drop. So essentially, what you're saying then is it's sort of like one thing that's really important for men to do, like critical. So important for them to do is to not take all their shit out on their partner, their doubts, insecurities and stuff and instead keep it with the bros.
Speaker 1:Yeah, essentially, but I think there's room for that level of intimacy with your partner, but the heavy lifting in terms of your emotional work, I think gets to be done around guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so true because anytime, even in my relationship, when something's coming up and I'm like shit, I've got no one to talk to, no one's around me, you're not available, or some shit, I start telling Chloe. I can tell she gets a little bit like about it a little bit and I'm like, oh, I need to stop right now and go and wait and chat and talk about it with someone else, otherwise she's going to be like, and that's another thing.
Speaker 1:When it comes to processing your emotions, you want to be around other conscious men that are in this sort of work, that are able to give you powerful reflection so that you can learn and grow in a way that isn't detrimental to your relationship, detrimental to yourself. Every uncomfortable emotion is an opportunity to go deeper and look within and be like. What is this trying to teach me? What is this trying to show me? How am I trying to evolve from this?
Speaker 2:So true. So why did you even I never asked this question? Why did you even get into this work for the first place, Bro?
Speaker 1:I just One day I looked up and I was just in the room. I was like, oh, I guess I'm here, I better serve. No, no, I was really inspired, got inspired by people posting inspirational videos on YouTube or Instagram, most notably Press and Smiles. He really inspired me.
Speaker 2:What about it? What about Press and Landed View?
Speaker 1:Just awakened the part of my soul that was like fuck, I meant to do some awesome stuff here. I meant to support people. I meant to tap into my own version of that. Whatever he's doing is dope and I have my version of that. So, yeah, I got connected with the work that he was up to supported in his rooms, and all of a sudden, I'm like, oh my God, I'm like really holding space in a powerful way, witnessing people transform themselves and break through old patterns, beliefs, habits and man. This work is transforming the world and I'm like this is all I want to do. This is how I feel the most impact, like, money aside, all that stuff aside, this is the most impact that I can actually have on the collective, on an individual level and on the macro level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, crazy. What are some of your most powerful experiences that you have had like for yourself and your own transformation? Like doing the work.
Speaker 1:Honestly, the most powerful experiences for me have come from grief and have come from heartbreak. There's never a more potent time to dive into personal development, when you're going through something tough and your heart's just like cracked open. And they've been really powerful times of reflection. They've been powerful times of healing, of just noticing the wounded parts of myself that come up, that need to be seen, that need to be integrated, and just noticing, like previous versions of me and the behaviors I would engage in to sort of numb those wounded parts of myself.
Speaker 1:And now just being more present and aware, like, oh okay, I'm feeling loneliness. Wow, let me just be with the loneliness. Wow, I'm feeling unworthy today. Let me just sit with that. Let me not try and force my way out of it, let me not try and masculine my way out of it, let me just be with it. Alright, and so it is. And then, once it's moved through, then I can get back to whatever I'm up to. But just like learning how to be in an emotional process, learning how to ask for support, that's really been what has been transforming for me.
Speaker 2:Well, do you have any like moments or stories of when that really started to land for you? Whether, like you were in a breath work, you were beating up some shit, yeah it's interesting like you can.
Speaker 1:You can go to tools like breath work, like plant medicine, psilocybin. You can do all that, but your healing will find you you'd like. Life will give you the circumstances that will just activate whatever needs to be dealt with.
Speaker 1:So you know recently my dad passed away only a year ago. I'm going through a recent heartbreak and I don't need to go looking for healing. It's just right here, like my prop, my life is, my process not going. I don't need to go to a retreat just to Feel the emotion like it's when it's there. It's there when it's not, I'm doing my thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like that takes some reps to get there, though Absolutely, you've been doing some reps, bro.
Speaker 1:I'm doing some reps. I've been in the gym. I've done some heavy lifting and yeah, yeah, crazy.
Speaker 2:What do you think? Cuz I know like you're burning me an advocate. You got like, for some reason, the world just wanted you to go this year. The reason the world was like here's a ticket, here's a plane ride, let's do the thing three days. I'm going to burning man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes, like I had the opportunity, like I had a few friends just tap me on the shoulder throughout the year just telling me, hey, really think you meant to be there this year, I'm like, yeah, maybe, like it's an option, and Was never really committed to it. But at the time of making the decision, I Was just experiencing a lot of stagnancy in my life, like routine day and day out, and I just felt like it was necessary for me to shake things up. So I just committed. I was like, let's send it. And that's kind of how you have to do. Like our ego has like a set plan, like I'm I'm going to the gym five times a week, I'm saving this much amount of money every single fortnight. Like we have all these plans in our head and sometimes you have to say fuck it and just go do the thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that's what I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was meant to be there. Yeah, it was not the easiest burn. It was very uncomfortable and it was all medicine like all the uncomfortability, all the dust, all the mud, all the tough conversations, all the just no contact from outside world, medicine and Just learning how to be with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, crazy, and everyone is listening like your burning man's aren't essentially like going there and partying like where you were? There was like personal development workshop.
Speaker 1:Part of it, though it's a part of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure but remember you showing me your agenda, because you're like I'm staying at the camp, because there's this personal development workshop, there's this personal development workshop.
Speaker 1:We got this business person talking about this camp, legendary, my ground of the gorge shut up, yeah, yeah you're like Dave Asprey talking, gerard Adams doing these things.
Speaker 2:You're like chat with all these amazing people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like what it's again like when it came up, like, wow, this is a great opportunity to be in the room of a lot of people I admire and learn from them, and Not only like go to their workshops and learn from their wisdom, but just to connect with them on a human level, which that's what it's all about. Like the ability to just connect with someone on a human level, understand what's going on for them beyond. How was your day Like? No, how was your heart Like? How are you feeling this week? What's like? What are you struggling with the most? What are you freaking ecstatic about right now? Like getting to have those conversations that go a little bit deeper, like I just crave it and I just I can't pretend to be interested in. How was your day when?
Speaker 1:I really just want to know how are you like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that. Can you share that intimacy story? Oh, intimacy workshop because that was not.
Speaker 1:I went to At Burning man, john Wyland he's like the number one into intimacy coach in the world and he was running a workshop and Like I won't give away all the things, but we were just doing a lot of embodiment work. So there was a lot of just like Crawling around on the floor and experiencing the polarity of masculine and feminine energy in interesting ways. And it got to the point in the workshop where we were supposed to partner up and I was in a partnership at the time and I didn't feel comfortable like partnering with other women and so everyone's partnering up and kind of it's the vibe is, if you're not part of it up, you have to get out the room. So I'm just kind of sat there on my chair and this guy comes up to me as a hey man, do you want to partner up? And I Was like I didn't want to reject him, but then I also didn't want him to have the wrong impression of me. So I committed to it and, yeah, we sat down next to each other. It was a solid 25 minutes of eye gazing left eye to left eye and some of the prompts were like you could tell it was an intimacy workshop for couples and some of the prompts were very provocative and Just learning how to be comfortable and get beyond my story of like, oh my god, I'm seeing across another man.
Speaker 1:What does this mean about me? What is he thinking about me? Does he assume that I'm a certain way? Why am I assuming he's a certain way? He's a good-looking dude. Oh my god, I just realized that he's good-looking. What does that mean? Oh my god, I'm a good-looking dude.
Speaker 1:Like oh, Just facing up your sexuality all these sexuality conversations and while staying committed to the practice, staying committed to the eye gay, staying committed to Like a essentially my nervous system was regulating his nervous system. Couples were doing it in a much more intimate way and we we discussed some like, very Like, just some boundaries around how we would do the workshop and then afterwards we got to have a really beautiful conversation of like that was a real stretch for me. I had so much conditioning and stories around gay and Me behaving in that certain way and it was actually just really beautiful connect to connect with you as a human and he's like I had the same stories in my head going about you like you're looking dude, like he's like really I just wanted to be here with my sick Pregnant wife at the moment but she's back at her camp so I just came by myself. But it was really beautiful to do it with you.
Speaker 1:Another conscious brother and like we had a lot in common. He was Into basketball, he's saying he was saying at Diplo's camp and actually told us about when Diplo was playing on the player, which was cool. But yeah, it was just another Like expanding experience where I'm really uncomfortable. I'm like questioning the story I have in my head and then I'm just committing to doing the exercise.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love when, for you mentioned, you're like the most healing part of that was like you didn't realize how much you desired to be like Like high five, have a brother put his arm around you, yeah, and she like that. And you're like, wow, I actually love, love it when dudes are like you know, I got you back desire physical touch in my friendships Really do it just.
Speaker 1:It feels so good and I think, especially in Australia, where you have that, we kind of reserve that for our romantic partnerships and I don't think that necessarily needs to be what's not my story anymore. But so much of us all desire physical connection and it doesn't need to mean that it's sexual. It just means that you care about someone. It just means that you're connecting in a way that's like a little bit more intimate and In doing that, just add so much value in your life, like there were many, like just Really platonic coddles at Burning man and that was really beautiful man, all and I was just like at this point it doesn't matter, like I just want to be surrounded by love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, especially after like over two of having like everything shut off, never been scared to touch, we touch each other. The now when everyone's like bro, hug and slapping up or just like hugging anything in general, everyone's like, oh, human connection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is great. Yeah, man, it's different. You walk into a commercial gym and, as everyone's like headphones on, do I acknowledge this person? Do I know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude, and yeah yeah, I actually had a story like as recently I went through it when I was like I assumed that everyone like hated me. I was like, for some reason, where the hell the story come from? But I just assumed that it was more like a Perfectionist thing. I was like people gonna judge me because I've got a body, I do this thing. I may potentially be better than it's something, so they're gonna fucking hate me so like I Can't show up a shot. That's like this story that I still myself and then like I did some work on it and like Rewire that and change it to. Everyone loves me.
Speaker 2:And I remember going in the gym and instead of, like you know, chest down a little bit, eyes down Headphones in, just focusing on my thing, like not looking at anyone, like not for the sake of Anything else other than like oh, I'm doing my shit, I don't want to be disturbed, just sort of the vibe I was going in with. Then I was like off, I'm doing this and had the assumption everyone hates me, like turning it around and being like no-transcript, like I was listening to my earphones less. I was smiling at people and people that I assumed like normally would think like oh, that dude would hate me Like. Smile back. I was like what the fuck was this story that I was telling myself for so long?
Speaker 1:Our story creates our perception. Dude, it's made my day like straight up.
Speaker 2:It's made my day like 10% better. And all my social oh, probably 10 to 15% better. My day is pretty good so I'm like it made like literally 10 to 15% better. Put me in a better mood. So when I'm like talking to clients, talking to my partner talking, to business.
Speaker 1:That is the reason why it's 10 to 15% better, and it's not that your back is just like 10% better right now.
Speaker 2:Hey, it looks a bit of both, bro. I was down for a bit there when my back was hurt, but like I knew it was coming, I surrendered it as best as I could. I was like heal, please.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is crazy, yeah, man. Yeah, I think you know back to like our context creates our content. When you are walking around with the story and the belief that people love you and you're able to engage in them in a different way because you're perceiving yourself differently, the world starts to give you new feedback.
Speaker 2:It's powerful, yeah like well, what kinds of new feedback?
Speaker 1:Well, like you said, people are smiling at you. You go to the gym, people are making conversation with you.
Speaker 2:I really mood is like underrated. I'm like if I'm in a bad mood, I get onto a sales call with someone and they're like come on in, like join us something, and I jump on the phone with them and I notice that my energy is slightly low. That can like impact the implements of the entire call and this person may be like wanting to jump on board and get like real nervous, like oh, I really want to do this thing for myself. And if I'm not showing up with the best mood and the best attitude, and they can feel that through the phone or on a Zoom call and it's like you know, I'm going to help this guy cross the line to get there and he wants to. Unless I show up, he's not going to do it. And I've noticed that, like when my mood's better, like phone calls are like 20, 25 minutes In.
Speaker 2:Let's go just jump on this thing when it's not. I'm like on the phone for an hour like really trying to like hype someone up to get there and I'm like, oh my God, if my energy just shifts a little bit it's much better.
Speaker 1:100%, man. It's like can you be the space for what you want in your life to show up energetically? Can you be in that frame? Can you be on that timeline Right, like there's? You know you go on a sales call. There's a thousand different timelines. You could do it sad, you could do it happy, you could do it mediocre. Which one do you choose? What energy do you want to bring? So you know, being the conscious chooser of your state is important. What do you do when you are having a bad day to bring up your mood and change your state?
Speaker 2:Good question. So I run a lot of routine, so it's not like I would say, more often than not I have good days rather than bad days, but when I do have bad days it's like I really gotta manage my energy. Like I noticed that it's coming up and like I'll talk to you. I'll talk to you, know, friend, I'll talk to Chloe and actually tell them just look, I'm in a really bad mood because of XYZ. What I also do is just read. Sometimes, like recently, I've just been like, oh, shut everything off, go meditate, go read.
Speaker 2:I used to go for a run, which is fantastic, but I can't do that anymore. So I'm sort of like get back into your body practice. Other things that I do like doing is like yelling, screaming and like beating some shit up. I get in my bed and people are like, ah, my car. And just like, ah, yelling and scream, ice bath, shake up my energy.
Speaker 2:And then sometimes I do something outrageous, like I remember one day, two weeks ago, I was with Chloe and I was like, oh, today I can't create, I can't think of anything. There's like I feel like I need to rush so much in my business right now and I've got so much to do and I'm completely overwhelmed. And I was talking to her and I was like Chloe, we're gonna do something fun. She was like what the hell? And I remember like walking through Gold Coast went down the surfers, we were at Warp's parks, a couple of streets. She's like where are we going? Are we going to the laser thing? Are we going on a date? We're going to the time zone or something like that. Then I walk around the corner and I'm like no, we're getting on the fucking slingshot, like just to like a, like just have like a, just an adrenaline. Here I was like I'm gonna just need to shake my shit up and just, you know, just forget to do it. So those things work for me.
Speaker 2:But other than that man, I'm usually like pretty routine, focused. Sometimes it serves me, other times it doesn't. I hear you. Good answer. Yeah, yeah, thank you. What about you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so oftentimes when I notice that my energy and mood is down, it's like I'm repressing something, there's something that I'm not expressing in my partnership, in my friendships, in my yeah, it's always something that is like left unexpressed and I'm like what needs to be expressed. So it might be a conversation I need to have.
Speaker 1:It might be something that was left unsaid that just needs to be brought up and other ways that I get around that is just listening to music. Music and vibrations and melodies is like really cathartic for me and like helping me get out of a certain state and find my empowerment. So I do that I do dancing. I go for walks, like walks is great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like you're really good. You're like the person who's really good when, like there's like a vibe or an energy somewhere, like a room or a group of people, and you're just like this is the vibe right now and everyone's like yep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like call it out, like if it's, if the vibe is off, and say, hey guys, just noticing it's a little bit like spicy in here, like what's going on for everyone. Let's talk about it, cause the more that we can bring to the surface, the quicker we can get out of whatever funk we feel like we're in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so how do you think people who say can't do that, or don't have the language or don't have their, like to say, emotional intelligence, to be able to bring that up? What are some of the things that you find that they like avoid in their life, and what are some of the problems that happen when you don't necessarily have that skill?
Speaker 1:Yeah, probably avoiding tough conversations, yeah, and by not talking about things like not having the communication creates more problems. So learning how to have difficult conversations is huge, my point of part of any person development.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you think at the moment as well, like in like on this topic is like the common theme or the common thread. That is like happening in the set, the standing community that you're noticing, with all the guys coming in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think a lot of them have, because they're into personal development, they're doing their absolute best to be the best partner, husband, father and in doing so there's all these little underlying resentments, where they're not advocating for themselves, that are coming out as frustration, as coming out as sarcasm and, in some cases, coming out as anger. And essentially, when we're not expressing our resentments, they build up and they create just like a negative energy in a relationship. So I think it's important to learn how to speak your truth from a place of safety, because oftentimes we don't speak our truth because we don't feel safe, we don't feel like our partner can handle it. So learning how to have those conversations and frame it in a way that is safe and effective is really important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I noticed that, and one thing that I think is really important to notice that is like every time that you're not having those conversations or able to have those conversations, it's like it weighs you down like an anchor. So then, whenever you try to make a decision whether it be in business, whether it's asking for a pay rise, getting a new job, whatever it is I find that you can get stuck in this cycle of just like staying the same, not going anywhere, not making any decisions, because you're just beating yourself up. You're beating yourself up. It gets overwhelming and then, for some reason, you start putting like it's not just one decision you've got to make, because you're avoiding conversation. There's like five different decisions like you've got to make, and it's like oh, now you're viewing your life through a prism of overwhelm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like it would be less overwhelming if you had the courage to speak your truth. And how do you do that? Well, you can learn in the community. But no, you just you start advocating for yourself, you start asking for permission or like a safe space to express what's on your heart, because in doing so then you can actually deal with what is actually alive and true for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, can you give us an example?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, prime example, you might be the type of guy that likes to have the dishes cleaned all the time at home and it like it helps you function to come home to a clean space and if the dishes are just left there and not done and then you're like For six months just like cleaning him all the time for someone else and then you built up this resentment. Instead of Building up the resentment, just having the conversation on that day without we go like hey, like I'd like to set a standard around the dishes, like it's a real trigger of mine and it creates like a resentment. Are you open to like working on that, having that sort of conversation in a way where you're taking responsibility for your trigger and your emotion but then you're also advocating for what you would like to see? That's a real basic one and I think a lot of people could probably relate to it.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, there are deeper ones as well, and I want to get one spot I've got some examples I'm speaking to like someone.
Speaker 2:one on one client is going to be like oh yeah, this is great. So what? How would you bring that up if you had a like employee or business partner you felt wasn't pulling their way? They were not pulling their way. It's like man, I do like ten times more than this person and I feel like they're not Heating certain goal.
Speaker 1:It depends like what is their duty, what is their role? Like are they clear on that? Is that, what is there? What are they getting paid? Like yeah, all these things. I think what's just a general like having scheduled in, like quarterly performance reviews not management, but like performance reviews. I hate. These are our targets. How do you think you perform for me in the row and like just getting some clarity around. How do you think the person is doing?
Speaker 2:What if it's like a close friend? What if, like it's a business partner, it's a close friend of yours and they just started, like haven't shown up, like used to be crushed and you should be smashing it. Now I'm starting to go down as frustrating the hell out of you. Want to get them up. You want to be connected because you love them. How do I communicate in a way that Sort of like you communicated before, to like a partner who's not doing the dishes, I think just not overthinking it.
Speaker 1:General chat and I hate. This is what I'm noticing and I'm feeling like this around it and I want to know how I can better support you and like what is your perception of how things are going? Is that other things that I'm not aware of that is causing this?
Speaker 2:Make it so simple, like some people be there like, yeah, but I feel like when I'm about to communicate, I'm about to like Word vomit all over this.
Speaker 1:I want to create the container of safety, or conversation when I want to share is really vulnerable like you, can you hold the container of safety, as I share this Like setting the frame. So they're like, yeah, I got you, let me hold it. Then they, like, they've already committed to being beyond their own triggers, and I want to hold on the space for you to express and. Obviously, that's a dialogue that you get to have if you're in that position in business. But I'm not doing so. You're just going to create more overwhelm.
Speaker 2:Another tricky one what if one of your employees, like yelling, got frustrated and hold on to the other employees?
Speaker 1:I'm obviously like have a conversation with my. Clearly something has been building to get to this point. What's your experience like? Just getting to understand how I got to that, I think, would be the first step, and then damage control. Bro, we don't actually want to conduct ourselves like that's not very professional, actually something. Maybe it's necessary sometimes for people to really go there and express. A lot of the times it can have people feeling shut down and just like fuck that guy, I'm a fuck you to him. So you know, not really great for culture, but I think if that is showing up in your business, then it's something. If you look at as well, like wow, I've created a culture with. That was possible. What am I missing?
Speaker 2:I love that. I got a personal question like popped in my head beforehand. I was like do I ask you? Do I not ask this? It's about me, by the way. I'd be like what are some things that you're noticing about me recently?
Speaker 1:where there is room or potential for growth, I ask that question yeah, and you know I gave you this feedback a little bit this morning and it's around like your leadership is very masculine, it's very. Let's check the metrics. Did we do all the dos? Did we post enough times? Did we inbox enough people? Which is important as a part of leadership. But the feeling pot, the understanding, the wire for everyone else that is working underneath you, I think is really important for you and like tapping into that, because when people are connected to the wire then they'll run through a brick wall and I think sometimes in business we can get disconnected from the wire and the work that was once a passion and start feel like a job and then a job that we don't enjoy and it's like getting people reconnected, that feeling more often than not, because it's not always gonna be accessible, but the more we can tap into why we're actually doing something, the more willing to go above and beyond to achieve whatever result is that we're going after.
Speaker 2:It's crazy because I feel like in like today's like this modern world is like so easy to forget it Like, it's like there, but we can forget it yeah, for sure not around the right people, we get a good knock exactly right.
Speaker 1:So you know posting 10 rules a week. Why Because of 10? Is that because homo is doing it? Or something like that, like why getting people connected to the wire so they're willing to actually Go through just kind of the trenches of the work is not always glamorous, is not always Breakthrough coaching calls or like inspiring content it's. There's a lot of Grant work that needs to be done and if you're not connected to the wire can feel very, very draining and it can bring up a lot of guilt.
Speaker 2:I find like if you're not connected to the wire and things start like progressing anything back on the me like, oh, guilty, I'm starting to feel a little bit guilty. How do you think? Is it some of the best ways for men to process and work through their own guilt?
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, just acknowledging that part of your human experience, like it's, it's not bad, it's not wrong, it's just like hello, I'm a human, I feel guilty sometimes. Hello, I feel shameful sometimes and just like, okay. These are parts of myself that typically are in the shadows. We never want to look at it, but the more we integrate them, the more it stops weighing us down like an anchor and we're more able to move through our life lighter and we're able to be Attracting from a place of wholeness, not from a place of, like, shame and guilt. So just acknowledging, when you're in one of those spirals, that it's okay and if you ask for support from your friends and family or us in the community, it's there for you, but that doesn't get. That doesn't need to be your. Where you live from. Like, you can experience guilt and shame, but you didn't need to live from guilt and shame.
Speaker 2:Who do you think, like you know, has like really embodied their guilt and shame really well, and like what are the characteristics of that person?
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily think it's about like embodying guilt and shame. It's just about being present to what is alive when it shows up. So a lot of the men that I've worked with back in man cave and the conscious man brotherhood were you know Jedi's are like just recognizing I'm in this, fuck her, I'm in this and that's okay. I'm just gonna acknowledge it. I'm gonna love on that aspect of me that feels guilty, that love that's lonely and also just being seen by other men. Mmm in general is like really healing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you don't, you just bottle it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah and then it becomes this other thing. That is like You're shoving it down and then it comes out. Another way is frustration, psychism, anger, drugs, drugs, video games.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's only yeah, comparing Massivation, yeah, all things. Yeah, I really find like the comparing things a real big one a lot of people for cute and shame is like Some people can achieve so much success and then not feel successful or they'll be in a position where it's like they're there, they feel guilty and embarrassed and ashamed for not having the amount of success what they think they should have Right now and they feel like guilty and embarrassed about it and like that that guilt and shame and embarrassment that that's on top of the Shoulders, that like pressure, is the thing which is preventing them from getting it.
Speaker 1:Yeah 100%.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it makes so much sense. It's what else I Know, what's been like your highlight in the community this week?
Speaker 1:Hmm, highlight in the community is just seeing a couple new members jump on board and Just seeing their face light up as I'm coaching someone else and just realizing that, yeah, they're here for them, they're here to work on their shit, but Sometimes someone else's breakthrough is also your breakthrough. So just being around and witnessing and observing the magic unfold and Like the way, like calls will go the way they're supposed to go, and they'll go in the direction that they're meant to, and yeah, it's just really cool to see them witness it for the first time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so. When they're faced like like, shine up for that as well. I like the same thing in hot seats. When, like the person who's on a hot seat like they first have their own, like it's always towards the end of the hot seat, they really start to have like, have the breakthrough. Like you see everyone in the cool like it's powerful.
Speaker 2:I think it's really cool. So what was well for you, like when we had the next level retreat, what was like the highlight, key moment of that for you in regards to like us and the team?
Speaker 1:It just felt like just for me personally. It was just like, holy shit, I'm now like lead facilitator of like a retreat 25 dudes trusting me with their growth. Like it just felt like I'm so ready for this. But like my first day at like, say, I was like a boss will play and I just made debuted in the NBA. Like that, yeah, I'm ready to be an all-star.
Speaker 2:What was like your process of like feeling worthy enough to like be able to facilitate and and coach me and actually be like, oh, I'm good enough, now I can just the recognition.
Speaker 1:If it's showing up, then of course you're worthy. If you have the opportunity, then it's enough course, like there are no mistakes. So when we're finally running the retreat, I'm like, oh, I've like supported enough of these workshops, retreats, but to lead it, I'm like I'm ready. This is, this is what I do, this is my impact on the world is helping men see themselves differently. It's helping men heal from what they're not even aware of, so that they can come back and be better fathers, better the businessman, better lovers, better In every area. Like it's just so uplifting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so cool and you don't allow that for me as well. I remember um, like at the retreat, and I was like having a full freak out. It was like the second day and we're in there and cause we were just like a whole smash and everyone like when on, stop right, because we're like leading a lot of Going through this and these like so just this wild transformations happening. And then like in the middle of it, because we like hadn't really like noticed ourselves I've got check in. I was like shit, I'm holding a lot of energy here. I was like that's not down with someone like am I doing a good job? I'm doing this thing? I had to like go up to you guys and be like Guys, I'm like having a bit of a freak out here. I think I'm doing the worst job. For some reason, something's just like this Parasite has gotten into my brain and it's like affecting me. Help me please.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, learning how to be a Jedi. When those stories come up like oh, there's that like the program of not good enough showing up in this space where I'm doing my best work, yet how convenient.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you think like the most common traits are? Because I can not good enough as one. Fear of failure is one. This is like for dudes, you know, I mean when they want to progress and they want, they wanted to get to the next level.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I think it's. It's just like it comes down to worthiness. Man, I just feeling worthy of what it is that you want, feeling worthy in the actions that you're taking, like so much of Our life and what we like our why is the program? The why is around, just like achieving material success and Trying to reach a certain status so that we feel good about how the world sees us. Right, it's pretty fucked up. And when we can get beyond, like the programming, like yes, it's, it's called a desire to be a better version of yourself, but like really tap into the why beyond you and what it is that you're here to impact and impart in the world, that's when it becomes easy, because it's no longer about you. It's no longer about you getting it right. It's no longer about you looking perfect on Instagram. It's no longer about People perceiving you a certain way. You're here to be like a weapon for God and just allow that to flow through you.
Speaker 2:That landed. I thought you were talking right to me then. Yep, feel that one, because I feel like you know talking to make the pressure beforehand, because if we don't allow that to happen then it's also exhausting, mm-hmm. Every effort, every time we try, every time we go to do something like, yeah, this is.
Speaker 1:Draining me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's. It takes some just like a Alone time to just like sit and be with yourself and like understand the programs that are running you. Why do I want this thing? Oh Shit, I want to be freaking Hulk Hogan because he was advertised to me every day on TV when I was a kid. What like you know these people that we put on pedal stools. Why do we want to be like them? And it's not so much about them, but it's like what is it that they are embodying that I see in myself. How can I embody that and then use that to impact the world?
Speaker 2:That embodiment, yeah, who was like your idol and curiosity, and who did you like Most to be like? Oh, there's some things here I'm gonna embody this about me. And then, what did you embody?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think honestly.
Speaker 1:I did a video on this the other day, but my biggest idol was my dad and it wasn't through anything physically he achieved like he did.
Speaker 1:He went to the Paralympics when represented Australian way Lifting wasn't through any of that, but it was his ability to embody Resilience time and time again, like he was sick, from the time I was a little kid, paraplegic on kidney dialysis, and His ability to, you know, just be so unwell but just keep choosing to fight the.
Speaker 1:The thing about him was like his why was like it was all around being there for his family. Like he wanted to be around for his like his oldest kid to be a teenager, he wanted to be around so that he could see all of us graduate high school, wanted to be around for grandchildren. So like, even though he wasn't necessarily doing anything in the world, like he was retired kidney dialysis three times a week volunteering. His why for living was all about just being there for his family. And I think there's so much power in realizing that, yes, we can do amazing things, but it's being there that's important and what we embody when we're there like do we embody presence with our lover, with our family, with our nieces and nephews like that.
Speaker 2:That we'll leave it there, because that was crazy Brian oh yeah, Good shot Nice.