Ethan's Journey from Rugby Player to Self-Improvement Guide #199 Ethan Bradey

Have you ever felt defined by a singular part of your life, only to have it stripped away? Ethan, our guest on this episode, knows this feeling well. 

Once a rugby player, a serious injury led him on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. 

We delve into the profound emotional and mental shifts he underwent as he let go of his identity as an athlete, learning to ask for help and seeking greater alignment with his values.

Ethan's journey is a testament to the power of personal growth. 

As a fitness and performance expert, he shares his insights on the vital role of self-awareness. 

He elaborates on how understanding mental and emotional energy can revolutionize your life, fueling your purpose and giving you a renewed zest for life. 

As we discuss how daunting yet rewarding such a transformation can be, we touch upon the importance of right companionship on this journey of growth.

As we wrap up this episode, we postulate a challenge for you, dear listeners. Think about the darkest moment of your life; pen it down, and read it the next day. 

Remember that the sun will always rise, no matter how hard things may seem. 

With Ethan's invaluable insights from years of experience in health and fitness, we hope to inspire and assist you on your journey of self-improvement. 

And, we invite you to share your journey with us and Ethan.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Confidence isn't actually built from success. It's actually built from the rejections or the nodes to the success.

Speaker 2: 0:36

So Ethan, thank you so much for coming onto the show.

Speaker 1: 0:44

No, thank you for having me. Man, I'm excited. Like I always said, I'm super grateful to have a conversation with people like yourself, helping people, obviously, helping myself as well, so just stoked to be here.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Yeah, I'm stoked to have you. I'm really impressed and really like one part of your journey, as you mentioned, it was like when you jumped in, set the stand, it was like you quitted. You quit doing what you originally doing to go and chase your dreams and make it happen, which I think a lot of people can relate to. I'd love to hear about that story.

Speaker 1: 1:16

Yeah, so, like, I guess for me it wasn't so much quitting a job or anything, but it was quitting the person that I was and the habits that I had to create a new version of me which wasn't aligned with where I want to head. So it wasn't so much a job or anything. It was more quitting being the person that wasn't serving me and made me feel the way that I don't want to feel. I think it's always important, like, how do you want to feel, how do you want to wake up each day, and I just didn't feel motivated or driven to make my life better or pursue what was actually for me. So I think that was the main thing for me was quitting the person that I didn't want to be and, obviously, creating the person that I did want to be, which is how I found obviously you guys and stuff like that that you can facilitate that.

Speaker 2: 2:08

Yeah, so cool. So how did you walk me through the process of like where you were and then what you did, and then how you got to who you are now and how you feel, how motivated and like passionate you are about what you're doing, because I think that journey in that process is just like really valuable to touch on.

Speaker 1: 2:30

Yeah, so it was after my whole life growing up I was going to be a professional rugby player. That's all my attention and my focus was on until three years ago I had a shoulder injury, had to get surgery and a plate put in, which really set me back, and something that always stands out for me is like I had my identity intertwined around being a rugby player, so I was literally just stripped of that. You know. It's like you're standing there, you're naked. It's like whoa. What do I do now?

Speaker 1: 3:01

And that obviously started to create bad habits drinking, drugs, partying on the weekends, all these distractions that at the moment, now that I understand which I didn't at the time was just all these things like soothing emotions and taking away from who I was or what I thought I, who I was, so that I guess destructive behavior and stuff like that just took me away from what was really my own purpose and what I actually knew, which was experience around fitness, performance, health and bringing myself back to there was really that. I was like whoa. I've never felt like myself for a while and this is where I feel like myself and I can provide value to others. So that was really the turning point for me, and it's always comes back to like, when the pain gets strong enough to change, you'll make that change, and the pain got too strong enough that I could now see that I wanted to change. So, yeah, that was the main turning point for me anyway.

Speaker 2: 4:11

So cool. What do you think of the key lessons that you actually learned, which helped you switch over? What did you apply?

Speaker 1: 4:22

So, like for me, I guess the first lesson for me, anyway, was just like understanding why I wanted to change, and for me it was to live the life that I want to live. So that was the main thing that I really would, that really facilitate the change. And then actually finding the help. Asking for help, which is something that I have never really been conducive to or been exposed to, which was like stepping outside of my comfort zone, is like being able to ask for the help and thinking that you could do it alone. So that was a really big breakthrough. That I really understood was actually when you need the help, asking for it.

Speaker 2: 5:07

Tell me more about that, Like how did that make you feel?

Speaker 1: 5:11

Relief, like I think we, if you've got like 25 years of just like being afraid to ask for help or being afraid to be self aware because you think that you're a bad person or you've done these things that make you feel a certain way and having shame and guilt around that, and then being understanding like you can get help with that, you can ask people. You know, hey, like I feel this way, do you think you could help me? Or just having a conversation. So it was really a weight off your shoulders that allowed clarity to come in, because you know you have all this weight whether it's emotional, whether it's mental just weighing you down.

Speaker 1: 5:56

It's like you can't see clearly and when you can't see clearly, then you don't know the actions or the steps you need to take to go towards where you're going. So it was just a big weight off my shoulders. You know 25 years of playing rugby and the only thing you could think of was that you're going to play rugby professionally. It was like you could just sit back and be like man, I can, I can take that jersey off now and like hang it up, like I'm done with that, and put on your new one that is more aligned with where I'm hitting.

Speaker 2: 6:27

Oh, that's so cool. I should like to dig a little bit deeper into the asking for help, because I think that's such an important thing that a lot of us men forget to actually do and forget that it's like a resource available, and you mentioned it was like. You know, there's like a fear before even asking for help, like where did that come from? Was that like from your parents? Was there something like some negative experience that you had which prevented you from getting there? Was it some validation thing for a group Like oh.

Speaker 2: 6:52

I got to do it myself, Like what?

Speaker 1: 6:54

was it.

Speaker 2: 6:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:58

I think it was a fear of asking for help. So I think you know pressure because, like my dad was my rugby coach, but it was also it also came with a lot of pressure. So like when there's pressure and expectation around that, the fear of letting them down or fear of failure, being like I let them down without having the support emotionally Because I never got any. I never seen my dad be emotional, I've never seen him express his feelings or anything like that. So I feel like I couldn't express my feelings to anyone around me and that weight would get so heavy that the expectation and the pressure, you know, I'd just be like shut down almost. I just I'd want to ask.

Speaker 1: 7:40

I remember times wanting to ask questions but I'd feel like this huge thing like come over me, like don't ask, don't ask, don't ask. And it was like there's some weird feelings and I noticed with my communication and speaking sometimes is that I mumble a little bit and I feel like that mumbling was just like I wanted to say something but I didn't, because if I said something I didn't want to let someone down or I didn't want to feel like I was failing or anything like that and I thought that whoa Like, how does that make you feel Like when you're with your dad?

Speaker 2: 8:16

Um?

Speaker 1: 8:16

disconnected, certainly connected. It's like um, because I guess when you're young you sort of look to your role models, which at the time it's your father or the people that are around you um, and not being connected or understood. I guess you could say it was quite hard and heavy.

Speaker 2: 8:35

I think it's like actually so common as well. Like so common Cause I see it happen so much of men just being like well, my dad was that guy that was head down, ass up, get to work, fuck your emotions, you don't need them, Don't feel them at the same time, Uh, what that created a side effect was like a they would put themselves in a hero position. Do what I say, do what I do, Don't do what I act. Make sure you do what I say so that you can blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that creates all this like pressure put on someone. Can you relate to that? And how how common do you think that is with like people that you know?

Speaker 1: 9:15

Yeah, so common, um, and especially in our culture as well, being moldy and from New Zealand, it's like, um, that's that's the thing. There's this like once we're a warriors movie, which is like a New Zealand iconic movie, which is about a guy um being aggressive towards his wife and stuff like that. That, um, you know, listen to what I say, do what I do. Um sort of thing which is like real interesting because we have beliefs around certain things when we're growing up and it's like a belief that you don't say anything, you just do what you're told. Um, but yeah, there's, there's so many people that I think feel that obviously I can only speak from my experience, but just having conversations, it's like I think it's really common is just like really trying to live your life in accordance to how your parents would like you to live your life, rather than the life that you want to live.

Speaker 2: 10:08

Yeah, right, cause, like we got to break that and we got to break that cause it's so much more like powerful on the other side. How, how did you like what was? Is there any specific scenarios or is there a moment when you sort of been like, yep, I'm going to break that. Enough, it was in the community or wasn't your own doing something else? Like they actually be like, oh, this is different, I'm going to, I'm going to shift this now and really start to be so much more unique and authentic in exactly what I do and do what I love.

Speaker 1: 10:39

Yeah, I don't think. I think there's been many situations that have led me to that point. Um, cause, I think some people have like certain moments, but I think it's been a series of moments where there has been conversations with my dad and stuff like that, where um just been like asking the question, like what was the life that you saw for me? And then like explaining to him my life that I see for myself and how different that is. So that was like cause, that's scary because it's like you want to make your parents proud.

Speaker 1: 11:21

At the same time users don't feel. You feel emptiness and like man, that's not a life that I want to live. But actually having that conversation or asking that questions is like what was the life that you saw for me? And then he him explaining his life that he would see for me and then me explaining my life and what I see for me are different and helping them understand as well. I think once he understood cause sometimes again coming back to having those conversations or asking I was afraid to, but now helping him understand he was like oh, you know what, like thank you for, like letting me know or helping me understand, because that's not what I thought um you, that was your life or the path that you wanted to take. So, again, it always comes back to conversations and having those hard conversations.

Speaker 2: 12:11

And communications key. It's crazy how so easily it can get blocked and how, like it was, such simple little things that we can say and mention to some people and just drastically change and like how we have there's. There's so many conversations that we want to have or things that we want to communicate, but then we just avoid it.

Speaker 1: 12:38

Yeah, it's really so simple, but it's hardest thing For sure.

Speaker 2: 12:49

Yeah, I agree Big time. So what else? What are some other things that you have like learned, applied, some things that you've done, like recently that you're proud of, or something that you have learned that has, you know, opened up your mind or changed your perception?

Speaker 1: 13:05

Um before, like joining, say, the standard and doing the all on program and stuff like that, I felt like um, like I had physical energy because I've always been relatively in good shape, but I never really stood. Like mental energy or emotional energy, um, and like obviously being in the community and stuff like that, understanding like they're all like resources of energy and distraction, um, and all these things drain your mental energy. A lack of clarity drain your mental energy. Um not having those conversations drain you emotionally and like wondering why, like you can be in good shape but if you can still feel like super drainers, like how can someone that's supposed to be fit and healthy um still have so much low energy? And then, until I understood like there's mental energy and um emotional energy, um discovering all those things that are, you know, weighing me down or draining of energy, like shifts or certain environments, like until you recharge yourself from those mental energies which we spoke on the um last class last night, I was like it's just so much more than just like being physically in shape. It's actually all these other things that holistically like create all this energy. So like that was one thing.

Speaker 1: 14:29

I was like man. I've always been in great shape, but I've always felt like I've had no energy or just wanted to get up and go and like having purpose in the day. It's like now like I want to jump in the cold shower, like I want to get up and go, like I never thought you could actually have this much energy or just have the capacity to do more, just because you aren't aware. Um, so having that self-awareness, which obviously you speak about a lot in the program um, has created so much more energy and life, like actually having the resources to do something, because it's like you can't do anything more or you can't create anything with and not have energy, like your capacity has to increase to be able to bring these things into your life. So that was, I think, the main thing and understanding that has been a big shift, um for me, mentally and emotionally. Anyway, those have been really big keys for me.

Speaker 2: 15:23

Uh, that's so cool, so cool and legit because it's happening in real life. So, because of those things, how was that influenced or impacted? You Like in real life, like what are the real time moments that have been influenced due to learning all of that? What impacts has it made?

Speaker 1: 15:40

Um biggest impacts obviously, starting the coaching business, helping others understand that as well, um, doing podcasts, um, being able to connect with people and have conversations with that. So it's literally given me the ability to um reach out and ask people like hey, do you think you could come on the podcast and share um, your value? Um, and just being able to put that energy into things that fill me with the energy as well, like helping people fulfill their health and fitness goals, gives me energy. So it's like, uh, I guess you could say like reciprocal, like energy. What you give to others will come back Um, and the more you give, obviously, the I guess, more of a eventually we'll come back to you. So that's the impact that it's really made for me.

Speaker 1: 16:30

Um, and then all my relationships as well. Like I can connect better, um, obviously, um doing manifesto dream partner now with my new relationship, where so much better connection Um, and those repeated patterns and other relationships don't come up now. So it's like everything and the thing that always reminds me and you said all the time is like how you do everything Um, and that self-awareness and just capacity and energy floods into the rest of your life as well, like your relationships, your health and stuff like that. So those are the big impacts because they mean the most to me. My relationships mean the most to me, friends, et cetera. And then, obviously, helping others fulfill their health and fitness goals Um, fills with the energy as well. So those are some really big impacts for me.

Speaker 2: 17:16

Yeah, so cool. How, um, what made you, by the way, what made you click on the like dream partner exercise, what was happening with that? And you tell me the story, cause it's like it's happened, like, like it's actually happened so many times now, like done that exercise. So I'd love to know, like your experience with that Um?

Speaker 1: 17:41

yeah, like it was pretty nonchalant because I was looking for the problem what do I do? What do I do first, where do I start? And it was literally just the first thing that I clicked on. Um, and I just clicked on it and I was like, okay, sweet, and then, cause, you ran through it and then I did it and I was just like again it comes back to witnesses like it actually in that moment, like, what do you actually want in a partner? What do you value? And just having that and having that framework, and just allow me to have conversations with people or meet people that were doing those sort of things or were in that mindset as well. So like it's kind of hard to describe it, but it was.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Again, it just comes back to awareness, like I was now aware of what I wanted in partner. So I could see that in another person If they didn't have those traits. It wasn't that I didn't like you, but it was just like you're just not the person for me because that's not what I value. So it was like those two combinations, yeah, just helped me sift through the things that weren't and aligned with me and obviously bringing the things that were aligned with me as well. So yeah, that was the main. I guess you could say by chance, but at the same time as like, yeah, that's, like it's not by chance.

Speaker 2: 19:08

Because I feel like when you also write out like your ideal partner this is even like for people to do in relationships is actually writing everything out in your ideal partner and not having the person you know, your partner in your mind when you write it out and then, like you read that out to your partner and then it's like cool, like I didn't understand that you wanted this and this is how we want. Now we can have a conversation around like what we can do to make sure that we can fulfill the needs of both of these people. But it's funny because it's like when you actually do write it out, when you're one single, you're like, oh, I'm actually motivated to go get this person now, so you have this different energy. We're like, oh, I want to go out and actually like, get this person, and it's just awesome that you did that. Yeah, yeah, real cool. So what else have you sort of been learning, growing through, growing, growing through and going through recently, which is helping you become a better person?

Speaker 2: 20:02

Yeah, because pretty nuts Like just to put in your like journey. It's like you know, after you come to the community it was like started a podcast, started your biz, got your partner started crushing it. You've been putting all your energy in a meeting people, connecting people, breaking through stuff in your family, breaking through stuff with like friend groups and things. I'm like Ethan, you have been on the ball.

Speaker 1: 20:29

Yeah, wow, that's so and so, yeah, that's really interesting because it's like everything does move pretty fast and it's hard to like sometimes sit down and be like, just this is actually what you're done and which brings up a really big realization. It's like knowing how far you've come as well. Like that that's a lot. And for someone that I'm not a very fast learner, I can be honest with that and be like sometimes I have to go over a few things again just to really grasp it. So sometimes comprehending stuff I can struggle with, but that's okay. Like that, if that's going to be my pace of life, then I'm okay with that, as long as I'm learning the things. But yeah, it's like it's that's a lot. That's a lot for me.

Speaker 1: 21:20

It's not a podcast, a business, still working on the partner, like integrating all these things into my life and not letting them crash and burn. Like that can be quite hard Like. So it's really been mindful and aware of like, if, like in my relationship or with coaching, like am I still taking care of myself, making sure that I have the capacity to do so? So that's been a real main factor is like am I taking care of my health? Am I taking care of my performance, those sort of things. So it's like I wouldn't say I've been learning, but I've been integrating, integrating these new things that are in my life. So, yeah, I think that's really important for me and making sure I'm learning in accordance to where I'm at on my journey as well, because I think different seasons require different learnings, I feel. And if I can do that and integrate the right learnings, then I'm going to be okay and I'll be good. So, yeah, like I guess the learning is learning how to integrate.

Speaker 2: 22:26

And what was that process like for you? Messy Tell me about the messiest moment. Tell me when you were like oh, this is messy right now. It's messy right now.

Speaker 1: 22:43

Man the last couple of weeks. So, because I've had podcasts, I've had people book podcasts, rescheduling, clients dropping off, trying to get back in touch with them, still doing the podcast, still taking care of my health, like those sort of like organization has been real messy. So it's just like, damn, what do we need to focus on the most right now? So, yeah, that's when I know, okay, let's get the frame of what we're trying to do, what are the most important tasks, and focus on those. So that's sort of being sort of the reset right now is what do we need to focus on the most?

Speaker 2: 23:24

And how has your mindset had you back?

Speaker 1: 23:31

Resilient say, like even some of in the program and stuff like the hero's journey, always go back to it and it's like I think you mentioned something recently it's like there's a guardian at the door. Like you have to meet that person and like fight him and slam just to get through that gate and you have to be there, but you have to be in a year to be aware, yeah, like it's not easy. So you're always going to meet these doors that you have to, you know, unlock or break down to get through that. So it's like having a mind frame of like this is what hard feels like and that's what it's supposed to feel like as well.

Speaker 2: 24:13

Yeah, and it's getting you ready for the next test, like that's what the Guardian at the gates for, especially if it's business relationships, whatever it is. So there's always a Guardian there which is like, okay, I've got to cross this Guardian to get into the next room. It's like when you're playing video games and there'd be like a Guardian somewhere before you get into the certain level. And it's like you know, sometimes if you're like I just bet the Guardian and then you get into the next level of like the dungeon or whatever it is the game you're playing, or Pokemon, then you go on there. You got always strong as a level people like shit, I'm going to go out there.

Speaker 1: 24:41

I love it.

Speaker 2: 24:42

But it's not really like that in life too much, because it's like you know it's only so much leveling up you can do. Sometimes you have to throw yourself. It's sort of like I heard someone's quite I think it was Toby Pierce, he was like you know, sometimes it's like you got to throw you and your team off a cliff and then build the plane on the way down. And it's like you know, you do that when you're around high quality people, you're surrounded by like minding people who can push your limits.

Speaker 2: 25:03

It's like that when you're learning, integrating and talking and communicating and I know that I find like a lot of people get down and depressed just because they're not like having got people to lift them up. So that's the whole part of the journey is doing that and like understanding like, hey, this is a Guardian, I'm going to defeat it, I'm going to get into the next level for everything that's happening. And I know that when I pass this gate, the whole journey is just filled with monsters, but I have the skills, the capability, the people around me to attack every single one so that I can get to where I want to go. Because when I get to the end of the game or I get the golden trophy. Whatever it is, it's going to feel so good.

Speaker 1: 25:40

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, no, I feel that. And there's, I remember, on the like first call that we had and you're like be ready to like catch the like relapse or something like that. And I didn't really know what you meant. I was just like, oh, what does he mean by that? And I got off the call and then I got into the program and I was just like it was. It was like hot and heavy and you're learning all these different things and it's like you start to get broken down like emotionally, because you're on those kind of Italy calls and stuff like that and the boys are calling you forward on certain things and you're like, oh, and then I just remember I was like, oh, this is what he meant by catch relapse. It's just like real hot and heavy. You have to be able to go through that. So like that was really good for me to understand that as well.

Speaker 2: 26:26

Oh yeah, I love it. So, yeah, okay, cool, catch the relapse or catch the collapse is whatever I say it's like you'll go for a poem of growth. Whenever you join a program or something else and you're in it and next minute, especially when it comes to your own personal growth, you've got to break down before you get to the break through.

Speaker 2: 26:46

So it's interesting, like when you had that moment happen and you're like, oh, I'm literally in the relapse, collapse stage. I've got to catch this moment because I want to run away, want to hide, like I'm breaking down, whatever it is. It's like, no, there's just like it's this is, this is like you know, the birth of the new flower that comes out after you've just, like, planted the seed in the soil. It's like that moment where it finally comes out, but it's like, oh shit, I've just stripped away the garden and stripped away the dirt, and now I've planted the seed, and now I'm ready for new one to come back up.

Speaker 1: 27:17

Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2: 27:21

Which is crazy. It's crazy that, like you had to go through that. Tell me a little bit more about like what that was actually like for you.

Speaker 1: 27:30

What was it like so?

Speaker 2: 27:33

like they tell me, like tell me the story of you know what happened, who to talk to. Like, because I think this should be really beneficial, because, like so many people, I find getting into a position where they are going through a collapse right, but they don't know. And then it's like oh, hey man, like you need to do this, or hey man, just calling you forward that this thing's happening, you're like, oh shit, I'm going through something right now.

Speaker 1: 27:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:58

Yeah, and people like you know extract the best self-attitude, so I love to hear the story of it.

Speaker 1: 28:07

It was probably from what I remember recently. It was like a call with Glenn and we were talking about again coming back to asking and stuff like that and he actually like changed me to like do some projection therapy. He's like I never liked saying, like I don't like the idea of being rejected and stuff like that. So he's like man, you just need to be in there Like I challenge you to do some things where you're going to get nos and stuff like that. So actually sending like messages of like requests and seeing if, like, people say no and actually enjoying that.

Speaker 1: 28:58

Being like yes, I got to know or I got rejected, like actually being like that's actually part of building that. So, like I think that was really one of me is like man, I challenge you to do that, and I was just like OK, yes, wait, but like it was a weird concept of being like yes, I got like rejected and it just helps with not soothing by like understanding like this is all part of what you're doing, especially with like in business and like cause and stuff like that. So I think that's one of the things that really helps me to understand that and I think that's one of the things that really helps me to understand that, like these are the things that will help you understand that.

Speaker 2: 29:38

You know no is not a failure.

Speaker 1: 29:41

It's an opportunity for a yes, if you send enough messages, All right. How cool is that? And then what is what is like? What does that give you? Be confident if you've always got in a yes. Confidence is actually built from the rejection, not success.

Speaker 2: 30:02

Yeah, I love that. That's like I haven't heard it put in that way before. I think that's amazing.

Speaker 1: 30:06

Because it's like yeah, which was? That's the same thing for me. I was just like confidence isn't actually built from success, it's actually built from the rejections or the no just to the success. That's something that really sticks with me as well. So, yeah, it's all these like mind frames that you can understand things better.

Speaker 2: 30:29

Because one definition of confidence is it's like the ability to fail and keep moving forward. Yeah, just with this unwavering, yeah like this unwavering, brief belief to keep pushing forward Like that is one definition of confidence.

Speaker 1: 30:50

Yeah, because I think I heard Tom Bill you say is like confidence is going from failure to failure and not losing enthusiasm.

Speaker 2: 30:59

Yeah, it's crazy why, from what it takes to build your confidence because if you're getting yeses all the time or there's something else happening, and then something happens to you in the real world, whatever it is, and it's like you know, you do get distracted, or something tempts you and you become tempted, or you get like focused on a girl or a different mission, or something comes up, or you find this friendship group that you're seeking validation from and for some reason it pops up in front of your life Next minute. It's like you do that for enough months. Confidence gone like a fine confidence. You're going to be working at it all the time.

Speaker 1: 31:36

Yeah, yeah, 100%, 100%.

Speaker 2: 31:39

Yeah, so like what are you doing now to keep yourself updated, upregulated? You can go crush it.

Speaker 1: 31:50

Yeah, health boys, doing the practices that help me, mentally, emotionally, stay clear. I'm not so much stay clear, but making sure that I can understand myself and awareness of how I'm showing up in each part of my life. You know, I'm a partner, a business owner, like I coach people. I'm also a son, like all these different things. Like I do all these things Because, like most people, like we all are doing things that we have to show up and be the best version of ourselves in each place.

Speaker 1: 32:30

And if I can't take care of myself, I don't have that capacity, then no one else will be able to do that as well. So, yeah, really focusing on making sure that I understand, like, where I'm at and terms, all those things, and then really really trying to enjoy it, because it's like, as much as it is hard and it's confronting, like it's also enjoyable, like this is the life that I get to live and these are the things that I get to do. So it's like enjoy that. Why not? Why can't you enjoy it? Why not have the most amount of energy? Why not give as much as you can? So it's like if I can do that, then I'm gonna be okay and I'm gonna, you know, enjoy that for filming and all those things that come with it and stuff like that. So it's like really being intentional with how I spend my energy and what fills me with energy as well.

Speaker 2: 33:26

Show me how good life can get baby.

Speaker 1: 33:28

Yeah, 100%. It's like so much, yeah, 100%. It's like when you open the curtains in the morning and the sun shining, and it's like, wow, this, this is how beautiful it can be. So, yeah, really fun.

Speaker 2: 33:41

I love it. I want to know this is like an interesting concept, right. Want to know your opinion on this. What do you think the difference is between, like the stigma of an alpha man and then what a true alpha man is?

Speaker 1: 33:55

Hmm, that's a really good question. It's really interesting, so like for me it's it's not forceful, it's intentional, it's because it's so like two words actually come up with for me when I think of that and like alpha male is like it's very grandiose, it's forceful, it's powerful, which are good traits to have, but for me, like being masculine or alpha male is it's graceful for me. A word for me that comes up is graceful it's you go about leading the way through your actions and letting those speak for yourself. But yeah, it's like I personally don't think about that too much because my responsibility as a man is through my intention, not so much of I need to be this person or be that person. If I'm just being myself and leading myself through my actions, then that's alpha male or it's masculine. That's masculine to me. It's not a certain I have to be this or that, it's just I have to be myself and my highest version of myself, and that's alpha or it's masculine to me.

Speaker 2: 35:21

Yeah, I feel like that's where the real winning is done. If you look at like just through history and other things, if you're being that dominating force, it's like the vibes of like the great conquerors of all that everyone hated.

Speaker 1: 35:35

Sure.

Speaker 2: 35:36

Like some great Congress that, like people really didn't like you, try to push their agenda and change thing and people would war against them because they were doing like stupid shit. It's really interesting in terms of, like you know, the alpha male leader, leader who is the one who can remain calm, who can give love and inspire people by being the best version of themselves and having self control and willpower and not being reactive, and can influence people with just how they speak and how they talk about what they do, instead of being like oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:05

I find it's actually a really good something I came across. I can't remember who said it, but it's like go to go to war during the day and then come home and make love at night, like that really sums it up. It's like you know, whatever your purpose is, go chase that and with everything they have got, and then come home and share that love with the people that mean the most to you, and it's like it's actually both. So, yeah, that's sort of a mind frame that like makes sense to me anyway.

Speaker 2: 36:36

Yeah, I really like David Dyer's approach on that. He's he's just basically like fuck the world and fuck your girl and open them up into love, Like you want to penetrate the world with your purpose as hard as you can, and you want to penetrate your girl and make her surrender into love. And do both with both of them.

Speaker 2: 36:56

You can go out there and ravage the world and and ravish your girl, and that just fires me up. And you're like, yes, especially like you know just having like moments, like as a guy, when you've got like tasks to crush, you know gym to perform, and like you're going like your absolute hardest. It just like feels so good. And if you're like like like we need that, however, without you know, I would say like emotional intelligence, self control, strong willpower, having our own set of values instead of the people who are above us we believe having their values and instead, you know, creating unique individuals, I believe it's just like a personal way. It's like I believe that's how we like, literally like make a change happen to culture is by having more people have their own.

Speaker 2: 37:42

You know distinct set of values and you know understanding each other's values and being able to work through them together and separating your own. And if you are a part of a group and you guys do have similar values, it's because of choice, not because you didn't choose that.

Speaker 1: 37:58

Yeah, yeah, I think that's a powerful word is choice. It's like people in the citizen community, like they're there by choice. They're not there. They're there because they understand that we are all unique. But through learning through others which may have the same problems, you can create more units within yourself. And that's the thing. Like I've not that I try to be different or unique, it's like I'm more of that because just by choice of again being around people that are the same as well, but in their own way.

Speaker 2: 38:31

Yeah, I choose me baby and you bastards.

Speaker 1: 38:36

They're like getting at me and calling me out.

Speaker 2: 38:40

What was like? Just like I'm a complete curious. What was for you was like probably your most uncomfortable moment, when you were like in the community, where you were called out or something was happened to like move before, when you were like, oh God, we're going here and like what was that breakthrough for you? Remember the moment?

Speaker 1: 39:01

It was probably actually last night in the master class, when there was like a few, what was something that negatively affected you Five years ago, 15 years ago or something like that, which was like really hard because you have a lot of shame and guilt around it, but it was actually cheating on my first and my first relationship and that's something that because you always think you're not that kind of person, et cetera. And then if you do something like that, it's like whoa her mind. You hold on so much guilt and shame. And there was something that I actually found repeated in relationships which now I was able to express that and I was actually able to explain to her like the way I felt and what may have caused that. And she actually understood that and was like no, like thank you for sharing with that. So it's like whoa, all that guilt and shame, it's like if you express that, people will actually support you and be like yeah, I understand, like we all make mistakes and you can allow yourself to speak to that as well.

Speaker 2: 40:02

It's crazy because, especially when something like that happens, because, like, just like, break the down a little bit, it's like, well, if you're in a relationship and you cheat now, you immediately assume no one's going to love you ever again like because you've cheated on someone.

Speaker 2: 40:14

How can someone ever love you so like? It gets completely like stuffed down and especially if you're doing it in when you're younger or in a really bad place. Most of the times it was a partner. It was supposed to be so toxic and you both really didn't like each other anyway at the time. And when you have a new partner and like your inner relationship and you tell them with confidence and you're honest and you're open about that and they still love you anyway, like one, you're like you're my god damn person. Like my god damn person.

Speaker 2: 40:42

Two, it's like yeah it's so much more confidence than you because obviously you're never going to do do it again, because it was so crazy and it took so much courage to tell, like your personal. And then three, you feel so much more connected and so much more love. And then all that guilt and shame, just like whoof, whoof. It's like going and you're like I didn't even know I was holding that.

Speaker 1: 41:04

Yeah, 100%, and that's so interesting and it's almost like I think two people after that I dated or whatever. It's like in the back of my mind. I was just like don't get to attach because you're going to fuck it up.

Speaker 2: 41:17

Yeah, trust yourself.

Speaker 1: 41:19

Trust yourself. So it's like, until you do trust yourself, then you can almost have the courage to speak to that. So, yeah, it's one of those things that's almost like the things that we feel like are our darkest, like demons, are also the things that people connect with as well, like it's like that thing that you need to share might just be the thing that actually bring you closer.

Speaker 2: 41:43

Every time, man, it's like when you lean into the, when you stand to the abyss, the abyss stairs back into you, like whatever that looks like and whatever that is.

Speaker 1: 41:53

Yeah, crazy.

Speaker 2: 41:54

Right and like what a? What do I get like an awesome topic to talk about Because I believe it's so relevant and it's so true, because, like you get back to, it's like well, how do you even trust yourself?

Speaker 2: 42:04

You can ask that question and it's like, it's interesting that it took you like all set the stand in all the rest of like like all the things that you've gone through in terms of like mindset, health, learning, talking to so many guys. You've done so much learning, growing, going and evolving, getting the uncomfortable, like shit. All these guys are like raising my standards, the rest of it. And then to getting to last night where you're like whoa, this hit me, telling my partner she forgive me, for I feel so good.

Speaker 1: 42:33

Yeah, and it gives you energy, like just moving lightly, just so much easier. It's more. It just creates a flow that you want to live in as much as you can.

Speaker 2: 42:43

So what other stuff it's sort of curious to have you. Have you let anything else go like in the last few months or anything else that's come up that you're like who I'm talking some shit on there, let that go. Yeah, Um not the top of my head.

Speaker 1: 43:07

Not that I can, yeah, not that I think that that really stands out anyway, no, I guess. I guess a little thing would be like I'm naturally like a perfectionist, like most of us, and it's like being able to tell someone it's like I'm not perfect, like I make mistakes, but you'll get my time and effort. So I guess somewhat like being able to break through that and, you know, not trying to be the perfect person by actually letting people know like, hey, I'm gonna fuck up, like I'm gonna make mistakes, but I'm gonna put in my time and effort to ensure that you know I don't make mistakes or make less fuck ups, but you know that's learning curve. So just letting go of trying to be someone or not, you know, making sure that I'm aligned with who I genuinely am.

Speaker 2: 44:05

Yeah, and like getting rid of unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves in order to fit in or to feel good enough or something like that, which I assume is probably some stuff that you know I'm from your dad. When you were younger before, we had some pretty crazy conversations.

Speaker 1: 44:18

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 2: 44:21

I love that. Well, for everyone who is listening. Man, where can they find you?

Speaker 1: 44:28

Right now you can find me at Ethan Brady coaching on Instagram Also, self architecture club podcast. Wherever you listen to your podcast. Got another podcast coming up soon as well. So, yeah, and I appreciate you coming on my one, bro. I like it so cool to, like I said, having conversations with people doing amazing things and helping people around them be the best version of themselves. So those two places that, yeah, you can find me.

Speaker 2: 44:54

Thanks for having me on your podcast. We had an absolute blast. That podcast was not so we do with Ethan, so everyone is listening. Please check that out. And also like to leave listeners with a challenge. So if you would like to challenge the listeners, is like one challenge like out of today's conversation. What would it be?

Speaker 1: 45:13

So the challenge would be go back to the most recent and darkest moment you had and write that down. And then revisit that darkest moment in the morning and realize that the sun is still going to rise the next day. So, yeah, write that challenge down, put it next to your bed, wake up the next day, go back and reread that and just realize that everything is going to be the way it needs to be, in that, no matter how hard things get, the next day was going to rise and the sun is going to rise. So, yeah, challenge people to get deep in that and enjoy that.

Speaker 2: 45:55

Yeah, which is sick. Absolutely, Absolutely, love that. And Ethan is like a really high quality health and fitness coach, which you know he's got so much years of experience with rugby and all the rest of it. So if you're curious on someone who can combine like all the mindset stuff that we learn in self in set the standard and also combine like health and fitness as well, like then Ethan is your guide. So please reach out to him for that and for everyone who is listening to this also, please chuck us a follow, like, subscribe, share all the things. Would absolutely appreciate that and, ethan, thank you so much for coming onto the show today.

Speaker 1: 46:24

Beautiful. Thank you, brother.